Linda C. Apple

FINDING FREEDOM IN FORGIVING

2012-02-02T07:54:00.000-08:00

“To forgive is to set aprisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”~ Lewis B Smedes

As a child, I alwaysheard the phrase, “Forgive and Forget.”As an adult, I learned that forgetting is physically impossible. Our brains arenot designed to forget. So what do we do? Live in the prison of our bitternessand anger? Draw others into our prison so they too can suffer?

No. Even though ourhuman design makes it impossible to forget, forgiveness is possible. Itinvolves our Mind – how we thinkabout the offense, our Will – thechoice we make, and our Emotion –controlling our reaction.

Most of us have beenoffended, cheated, treated unfairly, rejected, abandoned. Some of us have been heinouslyabused and feel the right to hold our attacker in un-forgiveness and hate.

For the next fewposts we will explore forgiveness. Today I want to say what it is and what it isnot.

Forgiveness is releasing the offense. Holding on toanger and bitterness is like squeezing a fist full of stinging nettles. Ithurts and yet we hang on. We look at our hand and cry because it hurts and wehate it, but still we refuse to open our hand and throw them from us. But in order to heal, we must. Evenafter we throw the offenses (nettles) away, our hand still has wounds, it stillbleeds, but the process of healing can now begin.

Forgiveness isnot saying the offense was justified! If someone has hurt you, to forgive the person is not giving him orher a pass. By forgiving we are notadmitting that person had the right to hurt us. We are not saying it was okay.

To release an offenseis to release ourselves from that person, from our own personal prison, and togrow. It will give us perspective and empower us to help others.

Are you holding ontostinging nettles? Will you let today be the beginning of your healing?

THE KINDNESS OF GOD

2012-01-12T15:13:00.000-08:00

This morning I hadone of those moments, one of those object lessons from God.

While en-route tomeet friends at my son's new coffee shop, The Pressroom, in Bentonville, AR, Ipassed a house where a huge Doberman Pincher lives. Normally he has on one of thosecollars that keep him in his yard. But today he frolicked in the middle of the road.When he saw me approach he planted his paws and prepared to "stand medown." By his lifted lip and his stance I knew he growled a warning.

Of course I sloweddown. This only served to make him bolder. He charged my car, alternately snappingat the tires and returning to the front barking, warning, and demonstrating hisdominance of the road.

Silly dog.

He had no idea that hisdisplay of power wasn’t what made me apply my brakes. Rather it was my kindnessand patience with his ignorance. He had no way of comprehending that I was the one with the power. I couldhave continued on my without slowing down and knocked him off the roadresulting in his death, or at the very least, severe injuries.

And that is when ithappened. A light went off in my soul. For all the times I take a stance, barkmy opinion, feel all powerful, it is the kindness and patience of God thatwaits until I'm all barked out and ready to listen, ready to be teachable,ready to repent from my error.

Silly Linda

GET A GOAL

2011-12-29T15:12:00.000-08:00

“I can’t change the direction of thewind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” ~ Jimmy Dean

For most of us, January 1 islike a clean slate, an opportunity to start over, and permission to try again. OprahWinfrey says it best, “Cheers to a new year and another chance toget it right.” But as I wrote in last year’s blog, where we shootourselves in the foot is by making resolutions instead of goals.

Why?

Resolutions are determined thoughts that weaken over themonths. They lose their freshness. Then life takes over and chokes our goodintentions for the remainder of the year and our gasping resolutions hold on toenough life to make us feel guilty because we have failed—again.

Goals are the groundwork to aplan. They give structure and support. How fast or slow the plan works doesn’tchange the goal. We just keep moving toward it, even if it isn’t accomplishedin a year.

What makes a strong goal? Hereare a few of my thoughts:
·     Goals should be purposeful. Think them through, design a step-by-step planand follow that plan. If we should stumble along the way, that doesn’t changethe goal. We get up, dust ourselves off and keep moving forward.
·     Goals should be realistic. In 2010 when I set my goal to lose weight, Iwanted to lose 50 pounds in three months, but that wasn’t going to happen and Iknew it. Actually, it took me a year to lose 30. The most important thing I hadto change was my mind and realize this goal could not be a temporary practice untilI lost my excess weight. It was something I had to do for the rest of myearthly life! This year I have set my goal to exercise in order to strengthenmy body and make me more flexible. I’m also going to exercise my mind.
·     Goals should be multidimensional. We need to have “vision” for what these goalswill accomplish. When I set my goal to lose weight, I not only wanted to lookbetter, I also wanted to feel better. I wanted to have more stamina and be ableto keep up with my blossoming career as a writer and speaker. As I justmentioned, 2012 will be a year to exercise my body through aerobics and weighttraining, exercise my mind by reading and working some sort of word or numberpuzzle, and exercise my spirit by meditation. We are all three-part beings. Whynot take care of our whole self?
·     Goals should dream big! I know I said to be realistic, and when it comesto something that leans heavily on our personal responsibility, we should bereasonable with ourselves. But, I also believe we should “dream” big and seewhere life takes us. Imagine, ask “What if?” take risks. Have a big goal inyour heart’s pocket. You never know where it will lead you! As C.S. Lewis says,“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” And remember,you do not have a 12-month time limit. Goals are set in place and will remainuntil you reach them.

I’m sure there are more things that could beadded to this list and I’d like to hear from your thoughts.

I like to write down my goals.There is just something about writing them down that really makes a difference.I usually begin my year with writing a “workable” list of 5 things I’d like toaccomplish and one “dream big” goal. This year I want to:

·     Be flexible enough to do the splits. (Iwas a gymnast in my younger days)
·     Finish the rewrite of my novel (This waslast year’s goal. However, once I started it has turned out to be an entirelydifferent story. So, you see, it is taking longer but that is okay. I’m movingforward.
·     Write a devotional book
·     Increase my speaking and workshopengagements on the East and West coasts.
·     Go to Europe
And my BIG DREAM, to have mynovel made into a movie.

What about you? Do you haveany goals to start in 2012? Notice I say start. They may not be finished in 2013.That is the beauty of goals. They are there until we cross the finish line,whatever the year. How we run the race—fast and determined, slow and steady, orundisciplined and sporadic— is up to us.

May you have a successful andfruitful 2012!

THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!

2011-12-14T05:22:00.000-08:00

In my 56 Christmases I’veseen society change from a hardworking mentality to an entitlement mentality,to greed, to not accepting personal responsibility, and now we face a bankruptnation.

But all is not lost. As Iwatch the dollar grow more worthless each passing day, I am actually finding myselfagain. Instead of getting lost in the orgy of spending for the perfect SantaClaus morning, I’m spending time with those I love. Instead of debt bending myback with worry, I stand straight and look to the future debt free. And since mygaze is on the horizon I see others and recognize their need.

Am I describing you? Haveyou undergone this change of mind? If not, I encourage everyone to use thisholiday season as a springboard into the future. Change your mindset. Don’tregret the past, think forward and ask yourself, “How can I make someone’s lifebetter?” Helping others doesn’t always require money. Time invested in theirlives is just as needed.

Lift up your eyes and besensitive to those around you. Don’t grumble about the rich or the poor. Dosomething. Don’t feel that anyone owes you anything. Do something. Make thesame choice as our forefathers. Have the attitude and the willingness to dowhat it takes.

If you have two cents toyour name, give one to someone else. If your house is only 300 square feet,invite someone over for coffee and encourage him or her. Start giving to thepoor and continue giving throughout the year. Help those who have dedicatedtheir lives to the poor. Teach your children to give. Make that the mostexciting part of Christmas for them.

Christmas is theanniversary to renew my resolve to celebrate Christ’s command in Matthew22:36-40 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul andwith all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the secondis like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

THE WAY OF WISDOM

2011-11-29T04:16:00.001-08:00

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, byreflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; andthird, by experience, which is the most bitter.” ~ Confucius

Unfortunately most learn byexperience. In other words, we learn the hard way. How many times I’ve wished that wasn’t’ the case in my ownlife. But I’m learning to train my ears on people who have learned byexperience and reflecting on their experience. And when someone comes to me inthe spirit of concern and love, I listen to them . . . even when what they haveto say is something I’d rather not hear.

You see, wisdom oftencontradicts my desires, it interferes with my plans, it threatens to remove theblinders that have kept me safely in the dark and forces me to squint in thelight of truth and look at all aspects of a situation. Sometimes it requires meto apologize. Other times it asks me to listen to the unjustified criticisms ofanother without defending myself. As Neal’s grandmother always said, “The less you speak, the more you hear.”

There are plenty of advisorsin this world. Some may not have our best in mind. But for those who do—thosewho have nothing to gain if we listen to them or not—we should listen and reflecton what they say. Think of a ship outon the high seas during a violent storm. Apart from his instruments, the captaincannot have the same sense of direction as one who watches above the storm. Inthe tempest of our lives, we do not have the same understanding and perceptionas those standing on the outside looking in. I like what the first centuryRoman author, Publilius Syrus, said, “Many receive advice, only the wise profitfrom it.”

This week, be wise and listento those who love you. Put down your will and take the blinders off. Honestlyreflect on what they say. Then make your decision.

BURNED BY FIRE

2011-11-14T05:09:00.001-08:00

“Fire is never a gentle master.”

Last post I wrote about the wonderful attributes of fire.And as long as fire is controlled, in the hearth, on the wick, within thefire-ring it is a good thing. However, if a spark pops out of the fireplace andignites the rug, if the candle is too close to a curtain and sets it on fire,if the fire at camp jumps the ring and starts a forest-fire, then we have bigproblems.

You see, fire is always hungry and will greedily eat up(burn up) everything in its path. Fire people do that too. When a fire personwalks into a room, he or she changes the mood without saying a word. If theywalk in happy, everyone is happy. If they walk in moody and intense, the oxygenleaves the room and everyone is on edge.

So how do fire people turn us other elements into “CrispyCritters?”

One way is their expectations. Since they are light, theyhave no patience for those of us who do not see things the way they do. Firepeople are right even when they are wrong and they have high standards andexpectations of others. Rarely do they listen to the suggestions of others. Andit is hard to meet expectations, especially when you know they are beingunrealistic and unreasonable.

Tip forthose with Fire Personalities: Respect the fact that otherelements have strengths and insights that you don’t have. Listen to them. Beteachable. Humble yourself and work with them. If they begin to struggle, thengently insinuate yourself and shed light, not blow them away with a flametorch.

Tip forthose living with Fire Personalities: Understand that they are nottrying to be mean, but wanting success for you as well as for themselves. Theyhave tunnel vision and the goal is at the end of the tunnel. What they don’tsee is what gets burned up as they blaze toward it. What fire needs is fuel.What you need is them in control. So cool them down a bit by waiting until theintense situation is over. Then sit down with them and talk directly about thesituation. Or write them a memo. Fire people are not interested in how youfeel. They want the black and white, the bottom line, short and to the point,bulleted items. So tell them theproblem, solutions they can choose from (and make it their own) and remind themof commitments they have made or details they may have forgotten. Also, make itclear about how you want them to communicate with you in the future.

Another problem that comes up with fire personalities isthat they use people. People are fuel for them and they will use up every dropof energy those around them have. Fire people are big idea people anddelegators. So they will implement their ideas and work people to death. Evenworse, they will start on new ideas and have people working on two or threethings at a time, all the while expecting excellence.

Tip forthose with Fire Personalities: Respect the time and energy ofothers. You don’t own them.

Tip forthose living with Fire Personalities: Again, recognize that they are burningtowards a goal. When they are “glowing in the hearth” go to them. Feed themfirst. Tell them the attributes of their ideas. Then tell them you want them tosucceed. Then give them your boundaries. What you can do to make his or herideas succeed and what you cannot do. Again, do this in a memo, bullet points,short and concise.

Fire people can be the absolute best communicators and theabsolute worst communicators. They can warm your heart and torch your soul. Andwhen they flame out of control, the damage they can do with their words aredevastating. When they are out of control, they go for the “shock” value oftheir words. They are opinionated, blunt, and rude. So consumed are they intheir own fire they are blind to the charred person they are engulfing.

Tip forthose with Fire Personalities: Learn to recognize the bodylanguage of those around you. If they are tense and irritable, realize youmight be the cause of it and you can be the solution. Ask them, “Am I being toointense?” Make it safe for them to say, “Yes.” And then apologize and back off! If you want things done theright way—your way—then build a bridge, nota wall!

Tip forthose living with Fire Personalities: You have to draw boundaries.Fire needs fuel and oxygen to burn. Don’t give it to them. Walk away if youcan, and above all, don’t argue! That feeds them. If you do this, they may goand seek fuel somewhere else, or they may cool off. If everyone around themlearns to not give them the fuel they need to burn out of control, fire peoplequickly recognize something is wrong and cool off.

Well, this is the end of my communications posts. I alsowant to say that it is rare that anyone is just one personality type. Moreoften than not, we are a combination of two. I hope this helps you understandothers and your patience with them. Also, I hope it will help you recognizeyour strengths and weaknesses. Build on your strengths, get rid of yourweaknesses.

WHERE THERE IS FIRE THERE IS LIGHT

2011-11-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

“To burnalways with this hard, gem-like flame, to maintain this ecstasy, is success inlife.” - WalterPater

Theevenings are growing chilly and I’m enjoying the cozy fire in our hearth.Nothing says, “Welcome, have a seat, relax,” quite so inviting. Watching thedancing, colorful, flames is mesmerizing. They warm my face and my heart. Fire iscleansing. It clears underbrush in forests, sterilizes tools and boils water. Ourfood is made safe by fire. It also aids in reshaping objects, provides lightfor our path, and protects us.

Firepeople are the first people one notices when walking into a room. Just as theplayful flames in the fireplace draws our attention when entering, so do thosewith this type of personality. They are warm and inviting. They are also veryintelligent and thrive on illuminating all those around them. Fire people arevery protective of those they care about.

Justas fire is used to reshape iron and glass, those who have the traits of fireare committed to developing others. Their ideas are brilliant and they can givethe right amount of “heat” to bring about change in a person, a situation, oreven a company.

Itis good to have fire people in charge. They thrive in pressure, excel and areclear-headed in an emergency. And just as fire clears all the underbrush thatblocks our way in the forest, fire people clear clutter in any situation andorganize solutions.

Itis good to have a fire person on your team! Do you have one?

Nextweek: Burned by Fire!

WIND GONE WILD

2011-10-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Last time we had fun with wind. But when wind goes wild,it can really cause problems with all of the other elements, including itself.Think about when wild wind meets water they become hurricanes and floods. Windcan turn fire into a wildfire and drive it forward creating a destructive path.Out of control wind on earth causes dust storms and wild wind on itself becomestornadoes.

When people with wind personalities go overboard, they cancause problems as well. For instance, we know that wind people are friendly,outgoing, fun to be with because they can turn almost anything into a game, andthey are funny. However, if they get out of control, they can be loud,obnoxious, and make anything, a social gathering, a business meeting, even a conversation,all about them.

Tip forWind Personalities: Notice people’s expressions and body language whenyou are attending at any kind of gathering. If you are speaking and you seethem looking bored, staring over your shoulder or at the floor, rocking fromtheir heels to their toes, or slowly inching backward and glancing over thecrowd, it is time to stop talking.

Tip for thosewho have wind personalities in their lives: Remember they need toexpress themselves and they actually need people to pay attention to them. Theyare not overtly aware of this need and they will step up the embellishments andthe volume in order to achieve this, so talk to them.

Wind people are passionate, full of ideas, and love tostart new projects. But their passion often becomes emotional and/or overbearing.Their ideas are crazy over the top because like the wind, their mind expandsand swirls upward making large obstacles look tiny from their lofty viewpoint. Furthermore, theprojects they start more often than not never get finished. Just look in thecraft closet of a wind person. It will be full of half completed creations. Whyare they like this? Simple answer, they get bored.

Tip forWind Personalities: Listen to others and their concerns about yourideas and proposals. And discipline yourself to always finish what you start before beginning another project.

Tip forthose who have wind personalities in their lives: Listento their ideas, no matter how crazy they sound. Just think, years ago someonesuggested bottling water to sell like soft drinks. Sounded crazy . . . then.

Just as wind blows in several directions scattering leavesall over the lawn you just raked, tangling your hair that you just finishedworking on for the past thirty minutes, so is the wind person. Their homes,offices, and closets, looks like 70 mph straight winds have blown through them.Unless they are married to an earth—like me—I can almost promise it is a mess.Not dirty, mind you, but cluttered.

They also have a hard time focusing, organizing, andstaying organized.

Tip forWind Personalities: Get “fun” containers to keep your stuff in, ororganize your office with. It really helps. Take this from your “sister-wind.”Also, sticky notes are great! Stick them where you look most often to remindyou of things you need to do.

Tip forthose who have wind personalities in their lives: Buy themfun containers and sticky notes instead of complaining.

And if you see them “doodling” while you arespeaking—whether at home or in a meeting—don’t take this as a sign of theirdisinterest. It is their way of focusing. And all those stacks of stuff ontheir desk? Don’t worry about it. They know what is in each stack. Justconsider it vertical filing.

An additional tip for wind personalities—if you are in anargument with a fire personality, it isn’t wise to keep pressing your point. Remindyourself, what happens when you blow on fire? Learned that one the hard way.

Speaking of fire . . . next time: FIRE!

GOING WITH THE WIND

2011-09-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

“The wind blows wherever it wants. Justas you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it isgoing . . .” ~ Jesus Christ

There is so much to be said about the wind. It isin constant motion, moving forward, up, down, around and around. It is playfuland fast.

Wind circles the earth picking up scents andsharing them with people miles away. It picks up seeds and scatters them in newplaces.

We cannot actually see the wind. It istransparent. But we can see its effects, feel it lift our hair and blow againstour skin. Wind refreshes us on hot days. It is playful—soaring our kites intothe sky, swirling an autumnal whirlwind of leaves on our paths, blowing ourdropped receipt across the parking lot just a little beyond our reach.

It is also determined. There is hardly anythingthat can keep wind out. It will find a hole or crack to blow through somewhere,somehow and we can hear its music or moan.

In the same way, people with the traits of thewind are fun, playful, transparent, and on the move. They love change—newplaces and new experiences. Just as we don’t know where the wind came from orwhere it is going, wind people are spontaneous. They pick up new ideas andshare them, hoping that these “seeds” of ideas will take root somehow.

It is exciting to be friends with wind people.They are so friendly and enthusiastic. Since they are naturally uplifting, theymake you feel good about being you. Simply put, they love people. It is rarethat they meet a stranger. Because they are so friendly and transparent, wenaturally trust them. They can convince us of just about anything.

There is no one who loves telling a story betterthan wind people. They are masters at embellishment and there is nothing theylike better than an audience! If you happen to be on the fringe of the circleof people around them listening to their story and they notice this, theyhappily raise their voice.

We need wind people. They keep us smiling. Moreimportant, they make us think outside of the box our left-brains haveconstructed. Life is always interesting with them around, and they remind us ofwhy we are special.

They always have new ideas, better ways, and apositive outlook.

Does this remind you of someone? Is it you? Happyand blessed are those who have wind friends.

Next: Blown away by Wind

WAVING AT THE WINDOW

2011-08-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

“If only. Those must be the two saddestwords in the world.” ~ Mercedes Lackey

This week I am interrupting my “understanding others to enhance better communication” posts toshare with you something my mother and I spoke about this morning. It piercedmy heart and I feel it has an important message for many of my readers.

Years ago my father had a manufacturing business and the buildingwas on a parcel of his parents land in Vilonia, AR. From the building he couldsee his folk's house. Each day he made the 45-minute drive to the business, worked all day, then left. Some days he ate lunch with his parents but manydays he’d work straight through.

His father visited the plant daily to visit and check things out, but his mother couldn’t. However, every day when it came time for Dad to leave she stood atthe window and waved. He always waved back. However, it never occurred to himto take an extra ten minutes to go hug his mom and tell her he loved her. Afterall, she’d always be there, right?

But of course, she wouldn’t always be there. She died frombrain cancer. Now a several decades later, my daddy who is now in his eighties,still remembers his little momma at the window waving. He aches with tearful regretfor not taking the time to gather her up in his arms and simply saying, “I loveyou. I appreciate you.”

This kind of regret is impossible to fix.

Please don’t take those who are important to you for granted. Isthere anyone in your life who is “waving at the window?” Is there anyone inyour life who, decades after they are gone, you would regret not showing loveor appreciation?

If so, do it today. If you cannot hug them or tell themface-to-face, write a note, send an email, make a call.

Fix it before it is broken.

WHEN EARTH QUAKES

2011-08-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

“ . . .We have very little control over external forces such as tornadoes,earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is theinternal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have completecontrol.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Lastweek we looked at all the beauty and the positive qualities of an earth personality. But, as with allpersonalities, there are several vulnerabilities.

Peoplewho have the character qualities of earth are very supportive and nurturing toall who need them—friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike. However, theyare very closed about their personal life. Instead, they only open up to asmall circle of trusted friends. It can be very hard getting to know them andthis can make them appear aloof.

· Tip for earth personalities: You don’t have to openup to everyone who comes your way, but be aware of those who are makingfriendly overtones and be gracious.
· Tip for those of us who have earth people in ourlife: Don’t be offended if you are not readily “received” into earth’s circleof friends. Be patient and trustworthy.

Earthpeople are very calm and stable—most of the time, that is. During thosepeaceful days they may be burying their problems, frustrations, anger, pain,and offenses. I call it “stuffing.” It causes a slow burn in their center. Theyknow those things are there and may feel the burn, but it is controllable for awhile. Then, when there is no more room in their center and when the burn growstoo hot, the smallest thing will cause them to blow like a volcano. Theunfortunate person who placed the proverbial “last straw” stands back,owl-eyed, and wonders why the huge reaction to such a small thing.

· Tip for earth personalities: Try and recognize whenyou are burying problems or offenses. It is better to deal with it right then.You aren’t doing any favors by stuffing.
· Tip for those of us who have earth people in ourlife: If this happens, step back, take a deep breath, and realize it isn’t you.It is many things. Try not to take offense.

Just as earth has cycles, those who are like earth musthave order. They are very conscientious and detailed. But if they are notcareful they can be obnoxiously picky and rigid. They also resist changewhether it is something as simple as rearranging the furniture to applying fora new job. In addition to being very slowto accept change, they do not like unfamiliar situations. At parties theyprefer to hide away or spend the evening speaking only to those they know. Theyhate working the room.

· Tip for earth personalities: Recognize thedifference between paying attention to details and being a dictator of details.Also, be willing to stretch yourself socially. Mix a little. Ask people aboutthemselves. This will not only enrich your life but it will bless others.
· Tip for those of us who have earth people in ourlife: Appreciate the fact that earth people pay attention to details and thatwithout them many things would slip by unnoticed. And in a social situation, ifyou notice the earth person hiding in the corner, avoiding people, go to themand begin a conversation. Keep it light, maybe ask about their interests orfamily.

Remember last week I wrote about how the earth spins butwe cannot feel it? Well, the earth person’s mind spins constantly. Sometimes Iwill say something to Neal, and although he is looking at me, he doesn’t hear aword I say. Why? His mind is spinning with an idea, solving a problem, ormaking a to do list.

· Tip for earth personalities: Notice when someone isspeaking to you and give them your full attention.
· Tip for those of us who have earth people in ourlife: Don’t take offense. Just ask him/her to repeat what you said.

Earth, we need it—them. I hope this helps you appreciateour earth brothers and sisters.

I’m sure you’ve noticed I didn’t put any tips in the waterarticle. It just occurred to me to add tips while writing this article. I’lladd tips to the water piece this week.

Next week: Wind!

EXQUISITE EARTH

2011-08-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

“Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth arenever alone or weary of life.” ~ Rachel Carson

Whilesitting on my porch I mused on the beauty all around me. I thought about howdiversity of our earth. It supports all kinds of life. Every human, animal,insect, plant, tree, bush, lake, pond, stream, ocean, derives its life and/oris supported by earth.

Earthis in constant motion, but we can’t see or feel it. The sphere we live on spins1,038 miles per hour at the equator, 700 – 900 mph at mid-latitudes. Itcompletely rotates in 24 hours. And yet, sitting on the porch the only movementI feel is my rocking in the chair.

Itis orderly, governed by seasons and time. Earth provides us with food andprotection. Here is the tornado belt, we are well acquainted with “hidey holes”or what others call storm cellars which are buried in the ground.

Ilike to think earth is humble. It showcases the roses’ blooms, the maple tree’sscarlet leaves, the peacock’s jewel-toned feathers, the teal waves of theocean, and so much more for all to see and enjoy. All the while, hidden deepwithin Earth are diamonds, rubies, emeralds, gold, silver, copper, and manymore precious stones and metals. But in order to find these treasures, we haveto dig. And when we dig we discover the many layers that make up earth.

Perhapsyou know someone who has the same characteristics of earth. Maybe you havethese characteristics. Earth people literally hold others up. They are creativeand love beauty. You will find most artists and musicians have the qualities ofearth. Scientists usually have the characteristics of earth because of theirneed for order, their curiosity from minds that constantly spin with questionsabout life, how it works and how to make it better.

Theearth people I know open their arms wide to those who need help, guidance, anda boost. However, when it comes to opening their lives to others, well, that privilegemust be earned. As a rule they are very private people. One must earn theirtrust. And to find the treasure inside them we have to dig. They will not bragabout themselves.

Myhusband, Neal, is an earth person. He does so many incredible things for thecompany he works for but keeps silent. It nettles me to no end for others, usuallywind people, to take credit for something he has done. Still, he won’t defendhimself unless I, also a wind person, push him to take a stand.

Youwill find those with the elements of earth in front of the line when it comesto helping, sheltering, advising, and encouraging. They are interesting people having many layers to their personalities. Earth people are stable anddependable. Justlike the earth . . . well, most of the time.

Next blog we will explore thecharacteristics of earth that aren’t so exquisite!

WATER WOES

2011-07-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

“Great floods have flown fromsimple sources.” ~ William Shakespeare

From my last blog you see how delightful a water personality can be. People who have waterattributes are easy to get along with because they can conform to anysituation. They are sparkling and refreshing. Not to mention great listenerswho do not speak their mind right away. In fact, they do nothing impulsively.Like water, they reflect and think on it.

The water personality will be there when you need them.Just as heavy burdens are moved on water, these people will help you in timesof trouble. As far as working withwater people, they are great problem solvers. Just as water finds a path aroundmost obstacles, so can this personality. They are quietly determined.

We ALL need water friends in our lives. However, there area few problems with water. If you are a water inclined person, you mightrecognize these challenging areas. If you know a water person, maybe this willhelp you be more patient with them.

Water can be destructive. Think tsunami, hurricane, or flood.But water doesn’t do these things on its own initiative. If left alone, water likes to flow,trickle, and pool. But an underground earthquake, high winds, or limited spacecreate problems for water so much so that it cannot conform. All the otherpersonalities can do the same to water people. Water personalities are lowmaintenance—usually. But if they lose structure, if we try to make them movetoo fast, or if we put too much on them, they will seek escape or totally losecomposure and flood all over the place. This doesn’t last long, however,because just like water that has been split apart by a rock quickly gathersitself back into one seamless whole, so can water people. They can resettle andrebalance themselves.

Tip for water personalities: Speak up! I know you don't like to, but how can other's know if you feel overwhelmed if you don't tell them? Remember that all they ask of you is what they expect of themselves.
Tip for those with water personalities in their lives:
Remember that water people naturally bear burdens of everybody! This easily overwhelms them and just because you asks one thing, it is just one thing on top of dozens put on them by others. Be patient. Ask them how they feel. Offer to carry the load with them.

People with water traits can be stubborn and appear slow,maybe even lazy. But they aren’t. They just like to do things in their owntime. You won’t get an argument out of them; they’ll just quietly do it theirway. They also tend to want to help everyone else to the detriment of their ownneeds and responsibilities.

Tip for water personalities: Be conscious of deadlines. Focus! Do your own work first! Fulfill your own responsibilities first.

Tip for those with water personalities in their lives: Keep in mind that a water person is very meticulous and reflective. They like to think before acting. In fact, they think a lot! Just ask my husband when we are furniture shopping. He has learned to go do something else while I stare and think. If you force them to move too quickly in a decision, they will stagnate.

If you make a water person angry, they will freeze. If youput pressure on them they will turn to steam and disappear emotionally. It israre that they will speak up—ever. They will adapt, but will also be pollutedwith bitterness. And if they keep this bitterness bottled up it will cloudtheir thinking. What was once clear and transparent gets dark and murky.

Water. Life giving, refreshing, cleansing, and sparkling.With a little understanding, Water people will be the same way!

Up next: Earth

GO WITH THE FLOW

2011-07-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

“Smooth runs the water where the brookis deep”~ William Shakespeare

In our front yard my husband and I built a large waterfeature. I call it Selah Pond. Almost every morning I spend some quiet time onthe front porch preparing for my day and listen to the water fall on the rocks.It is so relaxing and peaceful. I close my eyes and lose myself in its music.

My grandchildren love to throw rocks in the pond and watchit splash then ripple back to a smooth surface. On windy days the tiny wavesreflect the sun’s rays and making tiny diamonds of light dance on the surface. Andit isn’t just we humans who enjoy my little pool. Frogs, insects, birds and theneighbors’ dogs find it an excellent source of refreshment.

From observing Selah Pond I’ve found that water has apeaceful and relaxing voice. It is fun, refreshing, and sparkling. Waterreflects and flows. It is necessary to life. It is versatile being able to turninto steam or ice. It also supports the heaviest burdens—think of a cargo ship.

Now let’s apply the above characteristics to people. Doyou, or someone you know, remind you of water?

Water people:
·     Have a peaceful demeanor
·     Are easy going
·     Have a sparkling personality
·     Like to reflect
·     Are refreshing
·     Are fun
·     People (and animals) like being around them
·     Are supportive
·     Carry the burdens of others
·     Can conform to any situation

We all enjoy water people when they are flowing in these character qualities. Doyou or someone you know have water characteristics?

Next:
The problem with water characteristics

THE LANGUAGE OF THE SOUL

2011-06-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

My incredible grandson, Ethan

“To effectively communicate, wemust realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and usethis understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ AnthonyRobbins

Today,my grandson, Ethan, began teaching me beginner Spanish. In a few weeks he willbe 14. I’m on the south end of 50. He is amazing, to say the least. Okay, Iknow, I’m his Nonni, but still, others agree that he is beyond smart.

Ethanis what I call an old soul. His maturity is way beyond his years. He can keepup his end of a conversation with any adult. However, if an adult starts“talking down” to him like he is what he is—14— communication stops. He simplywill not talk like a junior high kid.

I’mtrying to learn a verbal language, and this old puppy is having a hard timelearning new tricks. However, one language I learn readily is the language ofthe soul. It is the understanding of different personalities, different values,and the way this determines the actions of those around us.

I’msure you have heard of personality-type assessments such as the Birkman Method,The Four Humors, Myers – Briggs, and my favorite, The Elements. All aredesigned to help us understand why others react and respond the way they do,and gives us tools to work withothers and not against them.

Thereis another language that is important to learn, the Love Language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages and I recommend it to everyone. From him Ilearned that different things say “Love” to different people. While I expresslove in my language to someone else, it may not be their language and they mayact indifferent to my expression because they do not understand that is whatI’m doing. Then I feel rejected. For instance, my love language is words of affirmation (go figure), and myhusband’s is physical touch. So whileI’m affirming him (thinking I’m showing him love), he may just nod his headbecause he understands love as a hug or a pat on his arm. He may be hugging me (thinkinghe is showing me love) and I smile and continue with what I’m doing because Iunderstand affirmation as love.

Whylearn about different personalities and love languages? Two reasons, tounderstand and communicate. Think of how much better this world would be ifeveryone tried to honestly understand the other and communicate on his or herlevel. And while we cannot force everyone to do this, we can start with ourselves. Another reason is to understandourselves. Why we react or respond in different situations. It helps us tounderstand and use our strengths to a better advantage. Also, it exposes ourweaknesses in order for us to overcome them.

Forthe next few weeks, I want to explore the different personalities. As for thelove languages, if you’d like more information go to:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Carl Gustav Jung said, “Everythingthat irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”Isn’t that the truth? Let’s make the effort to learn the languages of the souland make our world a better place.

Next week: Water People

THE PAINFUL TRUTH

2011-06-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but anenemy multiplies kisses.”

~ Proverbs 27:6 NIV

There are certain personality types who have no problem confronting someone and telling them like it is. Not me. It is never easy for me to tell someone something they do not want to hear.

Still, if I am a friend—someonewho honestly loves or cares for a person—I must tell the truth even at the riskof losing the relationship.

Remember the story, The Emperor’s New Clothes, by Hans ChristianAnderson? The Emperor hires two tailors who promise to make him a suit ofclothes from a fine, magical fabric, that is invisible to those who areunworthy of his position or just hopelessly stupid. When they bring him theclothes he realizes he cannot see them, but doesn’t admit it for fear ofexposing his unworthiness and stupidity. He puts on the “clothes” and paradesup and down the street completely naked. Because everyone wanted to please him,they praised his fine new clothes. It took a child to point out to him that hewas naked. This gives others in the crowd courage to speak up. But even thoughthe Emperor knows it is true, he continues walking in deception.

Some of us have people welove parading up and down life completely naked thinking they are wearing thefinest of fabrics. The “kissers” around them would rather praise them than speakthe truth, because frankly, they don’t really care about them enough. But atrue friend will—with gentleness, kindness, and humility—speak the truth even thoughit might wound. To the kissers, it doesn’t matter. A naked Emperor isn’t theirproblem.

However, if we are the friendswe should be, it does matter.

POWER THROUGH PROCRASTINATION

2011-06-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

“Procrastination is, hands down, our favorite form of self-sabotage.”~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

There are 2 more rows in my garden that need to be covered with newspaper and then straw. I’m procrastinating. I don’t want to do it. But it has to be done. But I don’t want to do it.

All the while weeds are growing. If I wait any longer they will overtake those rows. I know this. But I don’t want to do it, so I find other things to do. Things that can wait, but they are not in the hot sun, I don’t have to fight the wind while trying to spread newspaper, and won’t choke me up like straw.

Still the weeds are growing and my little plants would really appreciate some room to stretch their roots and for the moisture to remain in the ground instead of evaporating.

So here is my choice, procrastinate and let the weeds win and my vegetable plants die, or spend two hours—max—mulch those rows and be done for the summer?

It isn’t just gardens that weeds destroy. Weeds of life will do the same if we procrastinate. They will take over leaving us feeling defeated, frustrated, and more helpless than ever.

Is there anything you are putting off? Well, don’t. Just do it, okay? I’ll take my own advice and go to the garden right now.

GRAVEL AND GRIT

2011-06-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” ~ Leonardo da Vinci

Location, location, location. That is what we were thinking when we built our home in the woods. We thought of the beautiful esthetic setting without considering the fact that our building site was on a downward slope.

Bad location.

Every spring since we have lived here the floodgates of the heavens have been thrown wide open and we have been hit with walls of water. Rushing streams pour off the street, cut crevices through our graveled driveway, and race toward our house leaving our yard a muddy mess. It was annoying, but, oh well.

However, this spring is different. This spring I have a water feature and a rose garden.

One morning after a night of storms and heavy rain, I walked on the front porch to survey the damage. Six inches of gravel and silt blanketed my flowerbed and our water feature full of silt. The water’s color was that of coffee with a lot of cream. That day I shoveled out two wheelbarrow loads of rock and grit wondering how I could prevent this from happening again because heavy rain was in the forecast.

I surveyed around me and my gaze fell on a pile of large stones that Neal had found for me on the property. That should do the trick! These things were so big that I had to roll them in place. But at the end of the day I had a nice wall that should stop the rock and silt slide.

It didn’t.

Two mornings later after another night of furious storms I walked out to find the same scenario. I stalked out and examined the barrier to find the water had dug under and between these huge stones creating a crevice for gravel and silt to flow through.

I had to rethink my strategy. After I rolled the stones out of the way, shoveled out the gravel and replaced the stones I noticed the irregularities in the rock that had allowed the water to flow under and around. So I found smaller stones and wedged them under the large stones to keep the water from digging under them. I also used small rocks to fill in the cracks between them. Then I found gravel to fill in between the small rocks and tamped them in until they were tight.

That did the trick.

As I surveyed my barrier, I thought of how we all need each other to fight off life’s onslaughts. Even the most powerful among us has irregularities that someone else can fill. Neal and I are perfect examples of this thought. We are complete opposites in every personality test we have taken. But instead of letting our differences separate us, we’ve learned to embrace them. Where I’m weak, he is strong. Where he is weak, I am strong.

Neal is organized, logical, and neat. I’m not. I am creative, social, and adventurous. He’s not. He is the gravel that fills in around my creativity. He helps organize my chaos. I am the gravel around his logic that softens he absolute and helps him see the possibilities.

From him I’ve learned to be organized (just don’t look at my desk, I know where everything is—really, I do!) He has learned from me how to be pleasantly social.

Think about the people in your life. What can you learn from them? Don’t feel you must do everything on your own. Yes, you may be strong—like my stones—but life has a way of finding our irregularities and sometimes sweeps us away. Be open to someone helping you. And, if you see someone who has a need you can fill, be available.

Bottom line, we need each other. No matter how different we are.

THE GRACE OF AFFIRMATION

2011-05-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

“Correction does much, but encouragement does more.~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I remember hearing about a behavioral study by a class on their professor without his knowledge. They decided that when he walked toward the right side of the room they would pay attention. But as he walked to the left side they would not look at him, doodle, slouch in their chairs and look out the window.

It didn’t take long before the professor taught solely from the right side of the room that day and he didn’t realize it. Why did he do this? Because the student’s attention affirmed that his teaching was interesting and needed, and that only happened on the right side of the room.

All of us need encouragement.

You know, most of us hear all the wrong things we do. Sometimes these wrong doings are assumptions on expectations of others; sometimes they are correct and helpful criticisms. But even correct and helpful criticisms need to be liberally sprinkled with encouragement. We all need to hear what we do right, otherwise, we feel like gum under the shoes of the world. Some think that negative encouragement motivates. For most it doesn’t. It depresses. And those whom it does motivate, it does so in a way as to promote an antagonistic spirit.

Children need correction, but they also need affirmation. Not necessarily over-the-top empty praise, but they need to hear what they have done right.

Adults need encouragement as well. I can’t tell you how much the affirmations from the members of this group have meant to me. Family members, co-workers, friends, those in community service need to hear about the things they have done right.

This week, affirm others.

WHAT JR. BIRD SEES

2011-05-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.” Albert Einstein

Last spring I wrote about the male and female cardinal couple that fought the birds who dared enter their territory, only it was their reflection that they fought. Their enemies were themselves.

This year the battle had once again begun. My peaceful home reverberated with Tommy gun rat-a-tat-tats from determined beaks. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Will they ever learn?

I watched them through the window and noticed that the birds attacking my house were much younger than the bird pair last year. Hmmmm, could it be the offspring of last year’s pair.

Okay, I’m a writer. So my imagination took over. I could just imagine Jr. peering over the sticks, strings, and grass woven into his nest. Dad is perched over him grumbling, “Who do those birds think they are? Well, I’ll show them if it wears my beak to a nub!” With that he makes a little hop to give him lift and swoops to the window, beating the window, feathers flying all over the place, then returning to the branch that supports the nest. Jr thinks, when I grow up, I’m going to be just like Dad!

Poor Jr. bird. He looks up to Dad. Dad is his hero. But what is Dad doing? What is he passing on to his little bird son?

I read a quote by Saint Francis of Assisi that said, “Preach the Gospel at all times and if necessary use words.” This is an accurate portrayal of how our actions speak louder than words. Do we want to teach others in our folly or in our wisdom?

We all have good and sincere advice, but it is our example that people hear. Are you fighting the reflection in the window? Do you have issues that you need to work out? That’s okay, we all do. What is important is that we deal with our demons and not procrastinate because others are hearing our example.

DIGGING THROUGH GARBAGE TO FIND THE GOLD

2011-05-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

“Don’t mind criticism. If it is untrue, disregard it; if unfair, keep from irritation; if it is ignorant, smile; if it is justified it is not criticism, learn from it.” ~ Anonymous

I’ve been writing professionally for thirteen years. Criticism and rejection are the weights that strengthen the writer’s muscle. In order to survive, we must develop a thick skin. New York Times best-selling author, Steve Berry, addressed this while speaking to the Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. conference. He advised us to be teachable and listen to the critiques on our prose. Seventy percent may be garbage but thirty percent will be pure gold.

That is good wisdom, not only for writers, but also for life. Oftentimes we mistake honest criticism as personal value statements. I remember when my husband suggested a budget for me to follow. What I interpreted him as saying was, “You are too wasteful with our money.” Anger and offense flew all over me, much to his surprise. What actually precipitated his suggestion was the desire to find more money for me to have for personal use! Oops . . .

In the Bible, James advises, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” Good advice. By doing this we might find gold that will help us to do a better job, choose a better way, be a better person.

Elbert Hubbard says, “To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” We don’t want to be that person, do we? I’d rather be the kind of person Benjamin Franklin describes, “A word to the wise is enough.”

This week, seek gold.

FLAVORED WITH LIES

2011-05-03T05:16:00.000-07:00

“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it” ~ Adolf Hitler

I chose the above quote because of how this man effectively used this philosophy to create one of the greatest and cruelest crimes in history. People doing things to others, who before Hitler, would never have thought of doing. This is the danger of lies. And while most lies are not of this magnitude, our lives are still affected by them.

Recently I read this statement, “The most successful lies are the ones that are closest to the truth.” Why? Because we don’t catch them. We focus on the three-quarters of truth while the lie slips quietly by and does its damage.

This will mean different things to different people. The reason I’m writing about it is my hope that you will meditate on it to see if you are accepting a lie into your life.

Commercials are notorious for feeding us partial truths. Have you seen the one where a can of soda and a pitcher of Koolaid are sitting at a bus stop? The pregnant lady and her daughter come and the soda can hides behind a newspaper it is reading, but the pitcher jumps up to offer its seat to her. The message is Koolaid is friendlier, healthier, because it has one-third less sugar.

Big deal.

Neither is healthy. Water is healthy. That is the truth. In fact, water is the base of both soft drinks and sugary, fruit-flavored drinks. But because of our desire for a sweet taste we ignore the lie and focus on how friendly that pitcher of red stuff is.

The emotional word pictures that are produced on television through commercials and shows, as well as movies, appeal to our right brains causing us to embrace a lie. Lies about our physical appearance, the way we live our life, what we need to be happy, our very self worth.

The truth, like water, isn’t as appealing . . . but it is where life truly begins. This week ask yourself, has a lie slipped in and created discontent? A false sense of happiness that never quite quenches my thirst? Created insecurities?

Don’t believe the lies.

SAY WHAT?

2011-04-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

~ Anthony Robbins

At our upcoming conference we have to charge for the hotel tables used by authors at our autograph party. We decided to charge those who wanted a whole table or half table for themselves. Those who were willing to sit 3 to a table, we wouldn’t charge.

As an added courtesy, the Prez said tables for speakers are free. So I told speakers their tables are free. In my mind I saw a whole table.

Tables are free = whole table . . . to me.

Now for his take on what he said. He said tables for speakers are free – meaning, we will sit 3 speakers per table. But he didn’t say that. However, in his mind he figured I’d know that the room couldn’t fit enough tables to let each speaker have their own table.

He figured wrong.

When he clarified what he meant, I thought, “Big deal. We are doing that for anyone willing to squeeze in 3 to a table. Free = you don’t have to pay what it costs others.”

Communication is more than words. It is our perceptions, our experience, our personal “filter” of logic. That is the catalyst of most arguments. Someone says one thing and we hear another. And it doesn’t have to be verbal either. Misunderstanding the tone of an email can ruin our day.

For communication problems of this nature I have a few suggestions:

1. Don’t assume anything.

2. Say to the person, “This is what I hear you saying. Am I right?”

3. If it is a misunderstanding, get it straight and laugh it off.

This week if there is a glitch in your communication remember your filter, your lens of understanding is uniquely your own. You may have to readjust to get the clear picture!

GOOD WILL HUNTING

2011-04-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Jung

Yesterday my friend, Connie, and I went morel mushroom hunting—and I do mean hunting. I couldn’t find one if my life depended on it. Connie, on the other hand, found one after another. Some were as big as her fist!

You know how frustrating it is when you go fishing and one person in the boat is catching all the fish? That’s how I felt. But Connie has been hunting mushrooms for years and she has a trained eye. Me, being a newbie, couldn’t see a thing. So she started playing “I spy a mushroom” and waited for me to find it. Finally, I did! After a few rounds of “I spy” I found them on my own.

Later, I thought about how things can be so camouflaged we look right over them. Leaves, grass, sticks, and rocks hid the mushrooms. Connie had to train me to see them.

In the same way, things like the good qualities in difficult people, the bright side of a aggravating circumstance, talent in a simple mind, wisdom of a senile person are often hard to see. We must train ourselves to look for these treasures.

It can be done. After practicing a few times I began to see morels. If we practice seeing good in others and in our circumstances, it just gets easier and easier.

This week, seek out the good things!

MEMORABLE LESSON

2011-04-12T04:20:00.000-07:00

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advise, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.”~ Henri Nouwen

Recently, I attended a memorial service for a dear lady I have never met. She is the grandmother of my daughter’s significant other. The morning dawned cold and rainy and didn’t promise to get any better. I feared it would dampen a lot of people’s good intentions to attend. However, when I pulled onto the church parking lot I couldn’t find a place to park!

Inside I settled on the back pew and listened to person after person from all walks of life speak about how this little lady had touched their lives with her kindness and caring. One of her granddaughters said of her that she “loved the strays.”

There is a popular question put out by philosophers and theologians, “Are you making the most of your dash?” Between the birth and death dates on our tombstones is a tiny dash that represents our lives. Are we touching other lives in a meaningful way?

This dear lady obviously had and is an example for us to live by. She accepted people and left judgment up to God. Her home and her heart was a safe haven to many.

This week be a safe haven. Let’s make the most of our dash!

RENEWED RESOLVE

2011-04-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

“Defeat should never be a source of discouragement but rather a fresh stimulus” ~ Robert South

Many of my friends are writers and rejection is a big part of their lives. Mine too. Last week, I heard good news from one writer friend, but bad news from many more. One friend, who has over 100 books published by a large New York publishing house, had someone chosen over him for a significant award. Even with all those publishing credits under his belt it still stings.

When we fail or when someone else is chosen over us, it is easy to be discouraged. When we hope and pray for something or someone and the circumstances just get worse, it is easy to be discouraged. Believe me, I know. When we do our best and our best isn’t good enough, it is so very easy to be discouraged.

It is during these times that we have to change our filter—our thought process. I can allow discouragement to swallow me up or I can refuse to let it beat me.

We all have that ability, but we must be stubborn enough—brave enough—to stand.

If my writing is rejected in one place, I’ll send it to three other places and then get busy writing something new. If I’m praying about something or someone and it seems that the situation is getting worse, I get stubborn and pray more. If someone else is chosen over me, I start looking for the better things coming my way and make sure I’m adequately prepared and trained.

Remember this, discouragement is just a feeling. It isn’t a fact. Don’t be defeated. Stand up and move forward.

SOUL SEEDS

2011-03-27T14:40:00.000-07:00

“If you’re still hanging onto a dead dream of yesterday, laying flowers on its grave by the hour, you cannot be planting the seeds for a new dream to grow today” ~ Joyce Chapman

Normally during the week I am inspired by something—a thought, a quote, a remark by someone. But Monday morning came and still nothing came to me.

I took a walk. Nothing.

Therefore, I decided this week there simply wouldn’t be an inspire message to send. I never want my messages forced or false and I never want to waste my reader’s time.

So I went outside, sat on the steps of my deck and stared at the dead morning glory vine entwined on the railing. That is about as lifelike as my thoughts seemed. Then my gaze fell to a tiny seedpod.

That’s when it hit me. Inside that dried up pod was life.

I broke it open and five black seeds fell into my hand. They looked dead too. However, in the right environment—moist soil and warm sun— a green vine would emerge and soon be covered in glorious flowers.

Sometimes we feel dried up, useless, and in a sense, dead. But inside us are seeds of experience, ideas, wisdom, and creativity. We just need to put them in the right environment.

What does the right environment look like? It may involve extra training, an investment of some kind, education, learning a new hobby, writing, taking time for yourself, therapy, a change of some sort.

Of course, for all of us it also means getting in a better frame of mind and realizing that we all have worth.

This week, focus on the seeds in your soul and give them a chance to live. Even if you feel you only have one itsy bitsy seed, plant it! One Morning Glory seed reproduces hundreds of seeds.

And so it will be with you!

WOVEN TOGETHER IN THE FABRIC OF LIFE

2011-03-21T05:31:00.000-07:00

“It takes a thousand voices to tell a single story”

~ Native American Proverb

Last Saturday I spoke at the Northwest Arkansas Writers conference on the creative nonfiction writing style. In one part of my PowerPoint presentation I flash a word on the screen and ask for a volunteer to share a memory that word sparked and to use at least one of the 5 senses in describing it. After the first volunteer shares, I ask the group if this person’s story brought to mind something from their past. Then I have a second volunteer share with us. Time permitting, I continue this chain of memory sharing. I do this to demonstrate how we as writers can embellish our stories in our readers’ minds, which is important when we are constrained by a limited word count.

While listening to my volunteers last Saturday it occurred to me how their experiences connected them. Two strangers finding common ground. In a sense, their stories wove them together.

My daughter-in-love, Bea, is a fantastic knitter. She wore a sweater yesterday she had knitted and it blew my mind. I thought she’d purchased it at Neiman’s or some high-end specialty shop. Her beautiful design, intricate and complicated, was a work of art. Each thread complimented and enhanced the other.

Why can’t we be like that?

How I wish we could focus on the beauty of our common interests woven together rather than on a snagged thread that will inevitably mar the pattern—if we let it. So what if a person doesn’t have the same political opinion as I do? So what if a person celebrates a different holiday from me? I don’t have to focus on the snags, but on how we are the same—love of family, the need to laugh, sharing our story, learning from each other.

True, there are some extremists who are a tangled mess, but the majority of us want the same thing, to provide a peaceful, nurturing place for our families, friends and those in need. Think about it, anytime tragedy happens here in the USA or in another part of the world, the first thought most of us have is “what can I do to help?” It doesn’t matter what political party they belong to, the god they worship or what their government espouses. We just want to help our fellow man.

Life has a way of reminding us that we are knit together in the fabric of humanity, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately there will always be those who point out our differences in an effort to sensationalize their issue. But we can choose to focus on the common thread we have with others. I love this anonymous quote: “Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread. Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique”.

This week let us appreciate the burlap and gold threads in others.

SAVORING SIMPLICITY

2011-03-14T06:55:00.000-07:00

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”~ Hans Hofmann

Every now and then I have to clean out the clutter in my life. It piles up before I know it! My email is packed with advertisement notices from clothing stores, my “to-do” list is full of unnecessary trips to town, my garden and yard call me when I should be writing, my writing calls me when I’m working in my garden and yard. The 2011 and 2012 huge writers’ conferences are clearing their throats in a polite but irritating way to emphasis the importance of concentrating on them. Of course the house is begging me to clean it, and the refrigerator and stove remind me I should have started supper already.

Do I sound crazy? Well, I should, because sometimes I let life drive me to that point. The answer? Simplify! How? The process of elimination and organization.

First, I clean out the clutter. Well, I get some help from my daughter Olivia. She’s the queen of “just toss it out.” I tend to hang on to things because I may need them in about ten years or so.

Second, I make lists of all the things that demand my time, then ask myself questions like, “do I really need to make that trip to town every day?” No. I could make all my appointments on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Another question, “Is this activity really important? If not I start canceling and bowing out.

Third, for all the things that do matter, I prioritize them in order of importance. Then I dedicate a portion of my week to these things. That way “the voices” are not shaming me for doing one thing and not the other.

Do this every six months or so and you’ll be surprised at what you will accomplish, not to mention enjoying the peace that only simplicity can give

PLANTING DREAMS

2011-03-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

“Mighty things from small beginnings grow.”~ John Dryden

Last week I planted my tomato seeds, gave them a good drink of water, and put them to bed on the heated floor in my bathroom. In six days they stuck their thread-like stems above the soil and opened two itsy-bitsy, miniscule, leaves.

From such a tiny beginning, it is hard to believe that plants taller than me bearing fruit larger than my fist will come from these green hairs. But I’ve learned to not despise small beginnings. Not just those in my garden, but also in my life.

I tend to my little veggies with diligence. Connie Gayer, friend and master gardener, taught me to “pet” my plants each day by running my hand gently over them to simulate the wind blowing them because this strengthens their stems.

Sometimes life blows over me, bending my plans, but you know what? I learn to stand up again, stronger than before.

As my plants grow, I move them to larger pots so they can stretch out their roots and drink in more nourishment. However, the transplant sometimes throws them into a brief bit of a shock. But they quickly recover and grow into “teen-veggies.”

There have been times my plans have been uprooted and transplanted. The shock is uncomfortable and disheartening. Heck, it is often downright frightening. But in time, with an optimistic attitude, I stretch my roots in the new soil and after a while I discover I’ve grown.

Then comes the day my veggies must get about the business for their existence—feeding my family and friends. They are planted in the garden, no longer under the protection of the greenhouse, but out in the elements. Sure, I’ll make sure they have water, but they will have to weather the storms and Japanese beetles. And each year—I must say—my veggies have done a great job.

The day comes in all of our lives when we must get about the business of life, weathering the storms and predators. But we can do it, if we do not give up.

Don’t despise small beginnings, or changes. Stay diligent and you will “bear fruit!”

OH, NOW I UNDERSTAND

2011-02-21T14:14:00.000-08:00

“The one who understands does not speak; the one who speaks does not understand.” ~ Chinese Proverb

A long time ago I read a Cheyenne proverb, “ Do not judge your neighbor until you walk two moons (two months) in his moccasins.” This Native American wisdom struck me at the time, but it didn’t stick with me as much as I would have liked. Too many times I’ve really gotten put out with people for not handling things the way I think they should have. I find it too easy to point my finger and criticize. And there are times I’m justified. But it is during those times I need to give grace.

Why?

Because there have been and will be times I need grace from others.

This truth now looms over me since I agreed to help with a large conference that I’ve attended for years. Up until now I’ve always had an opinion and have often voiced it. Not always complimentary, I might add.

However, since I’ve slipped on the “conference planner’s moccasins” a whole new perspective has dawned on me. The enormity of the task can be overwhelming, especially when you are also handling your personal life responsibilities. Needless to say, I get it now. And in future, instead of being critical, I will offer to help.

This week, if someone isn’t doing to suit you, take a moment and breathe deep. Ask yourself if there is any way you can help remedy the situation by encouraging the person or organization. Maybe volunteer to lend a hand.

Above all, if you are absolutely sure you can do a better job, then slip on those moccasins! After that you may understand and find peace in keeping silent.

LOVE ACTUALLY

2011-02-14T07:19:00.000-08:00

Olivia Apple

“Hollywood film directors and producers are the prophets of our generation sending a false message of love.” ~ Olivia Apple

The winter blahs had set in with a vengeance. Neal knew he had to get his girls out of the house and into the car or suffer the consequences. So he took Olivia and me to breakfast, then he treated us to a little shopping.

Good man. Smart man.

While slipping along snow packed streets our conversation turned to movies and television shows and how they affect society’s thinking. The above quote by my daughter really says it all. Over the years our minds have been slowly moved left-of-center on the true meaning of love. Now more than ever.

I was reading Steven James’ book, Sailing Between the Stars, and he makes the observation that the opposite of music isn’t silence—it is noise. A sour note that ruins the harmony and distorts the melody.

That is what has happened to love. The opposite of love isn’t hate. It is the essence of emotion that turns true love into a selfish what’s in it for me relationship.

You know the story. Girl meets boy, girl loves boy, girl jumps in bed with boy on the first date, girl hates boy, from there they either marry or go on to another victim. All of this happens within a week. Of course, this varies. Sometimes it is boy meets girl. . . and on and on and on.

But love isn’t like that.

Love isn’t about how others make us feel. It isn’t what others can do for us. It isn’t what we deserve. It is what we give. Especially when it is inconvenient, unappreciated, even scorned.

What does love look like?

It is sleep-deprived parents covered in spit-up changing dirty diapers. It is longing for the child who yelled, “I hate you!” before running from the room. It is staying with our spouse when poverty or sickness strikes.

In a word love is “sacrifice.” It isn’t about us. It is about others. The essence of love focuses on self. True love focuses on others. Love honors, cherishes, gives the benefit of the doubt, is patient when wronged. Love forgives. It seeks and appreciates the beauty of a soul instead of being attracted to the body shell—which will one day be old and wrinkly.

When you think you are in love, ask yourself this, “If this person no longer does a thing for me, if he or she grows old and ugly, if I have to give up my fun, my money, and my time for them, would I stay?” If your answer is no, then wait before declaring love.

True love is a living thing that increases in capacity with time. The essence of love evaporates with the changing wind.

Don’t let the modern day prophets of Hollywood define love for you. Rather, remember love that sacrificed his life, was willing to be spit on, lied about, made a spectacle, and still forgave.

The opposite of love, the essence, is always focused on ourselves.

Love, real love, is always focused on the other person.

MODIFY AND ADJUST

2011-02-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” ~ William Arthur Ward

I love nature and when the weather permits I am outside as much as possible. Out in the wild is the best classroom from which one can learn the best lessons about life.

One of my favorite observations is how living things grow and change. If something isn’t growing and changing, it is dead and decaying.

Life is like that. It is always changing as we grow. But I’ve noticed how we fight that change because it “isn’t how we’ve always done it.” We want to “set things in concrete.”

However, if we refuse to change, growth stops, life stops.

Think about the way life changes. We become adults, some graduate, most get jobs. Jobs change. We get laid off, we are promoted, we may be fired. Some get married, some divorce, some are widowed. We have children, our loving offspring become teenagers, grow into adults, make us grandparents. Some have accidents and are handicapped, others become caregivers, we buy homes, lose homes.

In all of this is change. We must modify our plan for life and adjust ourselves to the change and make it work for us. We are living and we can grow from change. If we stubbornly refuse and grow bitter, our lives will wilt.

If you are fighting life I encourage you to modify and adjust. Keep growing, keep living. Something beautiful can come from change!

CHOICES AFTER A LIFE-TSUNAMI

2011-02-01T05:43:00.000-08:00

“The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” ~ Charles Swindoll

There I was, happily playing of the beach of life, building sand castles. Then, without warning, a tsunami crashed over me, destroying all I had built. And then, when the ocean pulled its killer-wave back to the deep, I lay there in a daze. The only thing I could focus on were pieces of my dreams and hopes scattered around me.

Have you ever been hit by a life-tsunami?

Most of us have been hit more than once. And when this happens we have a choice. Either we stand and move forward, or we stay down and focus on the destruction. The choice we make will either give us wings to fly, or will slip a noose around our necks. As Zig Ziglar points out, every choice we make has an end result.

Every path has at least two choices, one is easy and its only reward was that it was easy. Or is it? To stay down and grow despondent, bitter, or angry, is no way to live. And that darkness eclipses every thing we do and casts a shadow on everyone we are around.

The hard path is to trust again. Love again. Forgive. Try again. It is hard to quiet the whys? The what-ifs? It is hard to try and gain perspective, to get a plan on what to do and how to grow from our suffering. But this is what makes us stronger and deeper. It is what makes our lives a masterpiece. The shadows of life, when properly applied, deepen our character, give us dimension and make us beautiful. For example, Rembrandt’s masterpiece, Young Girl Leaning on a Windowsill (1645) is mostly shadows, but it is the shadows that highlights the brightness of the girl.

And when we are walking masterpieces, not only do we affect others with our beautiful souls, we also reflect the highlights of hope.

This week do as Norwegian explorer, Firdtjorf Nansen says he does, “I demolish my bridges behind me – then there is no choice but forward.”

Don’t let the pain of your past determine your future. Stand!

WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK?

2011-01-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

“People who have attained things worth having in this world have worked while others have idled, have persevered while others gave up in despair, and have practiced early in life the valuable habits of self-denial, industry, and singleness of purpose.” ~ Grenville Kleiser

My friend, Connie, and I try to get together and walk at least three times a week. We usually walk on the dirt road that fronts our houses, but sometimes we choose the paved road at the end of our street. When following this route we pass a house where a big, red Doberman pinscher lives. And believe me, he takes his job as “head security dog” very seriously. When we approach his house he comes charging at us, barking and making sure we see his white, pointy, teeth. The first time he came at us, I was reaching for my pepper spray! But when he reached the edge of the yard it was as if he had run into a glass wall.

I looked as close as I dared and saw he had a shock collar on and obviously crossing the invisible fence must have been uncomfortable enough for him to decide to stay in his yard no matter how bad he wanted a piece of us. I pocketed my pepper spray walked confidently on. He followed us along his property line protesting our presence and warning us just what he could do if he didn’t have that pesky collar on. Thank goodness he did!

You know, some of us live our lives as if we are wearing “shock collars.” Think about it. How many times have we let a painful experience keep us from trying something? Maybe we tried and failed, so we are just not willing to go there anymore?

But . . .

If we keep trying, one day we will break through. Then when we look back at all the trials, disappointments, and work our entire experience will be condensed into a single sentence—“It was hard but I made it.”

Is there something you want beyond the property line you’ve made for yourself? Then, keep trying. Don’t give up. Don’t let the pain of the past define your future! One day you will “break through” and then there will be no stopping you!

OUR WORDS

2011-01-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together”~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Neal’s grandmother, Eva Campbell, was an astute and delightful woman. One of the endearing things about her was the library of sage sayings that she kept in her mind. Out of the blue she’d level her gaze at one of us and say, “A wise old owl stood on an oak, the more he heard the less he spoke. The less he spoke the more he heard. God make me like that wise old bird.” Then she’d smile and go about her business. Another of her favorite sayings was, “Make your words soft and sweet, you never know which ones you’ll eat.”

Eating words. This is a very unpleasant and unsavory experience. And those with a heart and conscience taste the bitterness of their words and regret their carelessness. Most of us do not mean for our behavior to cause others harm. However, sometimes we are just not aware of how our words and actions affect others. For instance, when I travel to other countries, I check to find what is and what isn't appropriate to do or say. I was surprised to find that in Asian countries I should never pat a child on the top of the head. Who would have thought this would be offensive? After all, being a southern gal, I do it here all the time as a sign of endearment.

In much the same way, we need to be careful with our words and actions in our corner of the world. After the massacre in Tucson, I thought of how our careless words and attitudes can affect the emotionally unstable. We act and speak as if everyone has enough sense to be able to tell we are joking or emphasizing something we care deeply about. But there are those out there who are not able to decipher our messages.

I’m concerned about the climate of political hostility in our country today. It has escalated since I became old enough to vote beyond what I thought possible . So many people with celebrity status thinks nothing of throwing fuel on the fire of political dissatisfaction. And, I might add, both sides are equally guilty. Now, even before the facts are known, assumptions are made and the fight is on. The massacre in Tucson is a vivid example. New York Times journalists assumed this happened because of the angry rhetoric of others in the media and erroneously reported things that were simply not true. Therefore, when unity and empathy was needed, their words caused a further divide. The dangerous thing is we don’t know is how our puffed up opinions affect others, especially those who are not sound minded.

Even though I may not be “high-profile” personality, I am just as accountable for my words. I never know who is listening or how what I say is being interpreted. I’ve used this quote by Mahatma Gandhi before, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Do I want to see a more civil and responsible world? Then it must start with me. Tucson is a horrifying reminder of the broken world I live in and how powerful my words can be.

This week, let us all be like that wise old owl. Let's make our words reasonable, kindly spoken, diplomatic, and sensible.

GOALS INSTEAD OF RESOLUTIONS

2011-01-09T05:22:00.000-08:00

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” ~ Jimmy Dean

Okay, it is official. Resolutions are just wrong. They make us do the opposite of what we really want to do—true story! Last year, as an experiment, I resolved to gain weight—the one resolution I felt I could keep—and I lost 30 pounds!

But, before you resolve to gain weight, let me clarify. It wasn’t the resolution to gain weight that did it. It was a goal I set. Resolutions are wishful thoughts for the next year that lose their freshness in a few months and life takes over choking our good intentions.

Unfortunately, for the remainder of the year, our little gasping resolutions hold on to enough life to make us feel guilty.

Let’s talk about goals:

· Goals should be purposeful. Think them through, design a step-by-step plan and follow that plan. If we stumble that doesn’t change the goal. We get up, dust ourselves off and start new.

· Goals should be realistic. Sure, I wanted to lose 50 pounds in three months, but that didn’t happen. It took me a year to lose 30. I’d like to lose 10 more, but I’m also paying attention to what my body is telling me. My part in this endeavor is to eat right, exercise, and be patient with myself. The most important thing I had to change was my mind and realize this wasn’t a temporary practice till I lost my excess weight. It was something I had to do for the rest of my earthly life!

· Goals should be multidimensional. We need to have “vision” for what these goals will accomplish. Sure, I wanted to look better. But I also wanted to feel better. I’m pushing 56, but my new career as a writer and speaker is just picking up steam. I want to keep a spring in my step! I also wanted the convenience of getting dressed and being done with it instead of emptying my closet trying to disguise this bulge or that flabby part.

· Goals should dream big! I know I said to be realistic, and when it comes to something that leans heavily on our personal responsibility, we should be reasonable with ourselves. But, I also believe we should “dream” big and see where life takes us.

Another effective thing to do is to write out your goals. Something about writing them down really makes a difference. I usually begin my year with writing a “workable” list of 5 things I’d like to accomplish. This year I want to:

· Lose those last ten pounds

· Finish the rewrite of my novel

· Write a devotional book

· Attend three writing conferences

· Get a speaking engagement in the UK

That last one throw you? Don’t let it. Have a big goal in your heart’s pocket. You never know where it will lead you! As C.S. Lewis says, “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”

What about you? Do you have any goals to start in 2011? Notice I say start. They may not be finished in 2012. That is the beauty of goals. They are there until we cross the finish line, whatever the year. How we run the race—fast and determined, slow and steady, or undisciplined and sporadic— is up to us.

May you have a successful and fruitful 2011!

STANDING HEART TO HEART AND HAND IN HAND

2010-12-24T05:19:00.000-08:00

“God places the lonely in families . . .” Psalm 68:6a

I just returned from New York City. Neal and I spent a week enjoying the city in her Christmas finery. If you want to see the world in one place, visit NYC. As I walked down the street I heard people conversing in French, German, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, several Indian dialects, Hungarian, and many other languages I do not recognize. And instead of the usual preoccupied rush down crowded sidewalks, people walked along the streets wearing their holiday faces—making eye contact and smiling— while carrying bright packages.

All seemed well.

However, as some of you know, this can also be the loneliest time of the year, especially for those of us who have lost someone we love through death or divorce. Maybe strained family matters separate us and this season magnifies that loss. If you know someone who is alone this Christmas and there is room at your table, why not invite that person to join your family? He or she may decline, but the invitation sends the message that this person is important and not forgotten. If you are the lonely one, maybe you can contact another person who is alone this season you and go out together.

I thought of another emotion of the season when I read a quote by Carol Nelson, “Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.”

I get that.

Looking back when my children were small I remember all our fun traditions. We baked sugar cookies and ate most of them before they cooled enough to decorate. I’d make fudge and the kids crowded around me with spoons to “clean the pan.” We always had a tree decorating party. While we hung ornaments — the majority of them winding up on the bottom half of the tree — we ate chips and dip, candy, cakes, egg rolls, sausage balls and drank eggnog. When the children went to bed, Neal and I enjoyed a glass of wine together and moved some of the ornaments to the top of the tree! And then there was the many evenings spent drinking hot chocolate and watching holiday movies.

How I miss those bygone days. I could really get lonely for my little babies and our sweet times together. However, life goes on and I must move with it. I must realize the importance of making new memories with my children, children-in-love, and grandbabies.

I’m not the only one who could let nostalgia run my present. My kids miss their childhood, but they realize the importance of creating holiday magic for their own children and family.

However, there are those who cannot reconcile the joys of their past with their present. They are sad because things had to change and their regrets to rob them of opportunities to make new memories, my grandmother being one of them. How I wanted her to realize the capacity in her heart to expand with love, and not let it shrink with regret.

This is my Christmas wish for you, that you’d make this Christmas special for yourself and for others. Open your home and your heart. Let the 2010 holiday spirit of hospitality, warmth, laughter, and kindness offer hope. Dwell on the positive aspects of life and let this begin healing in your soul as well as in the souls of others.

I think Dr. Suess says it best, “Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand”

May this Christmas be a new beginning of hope in your life.

THE GIFT EVERYONE REMEMBERS

2010-12-21T07:58:00.000-08:00

“The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can’t remember what gifts I received for Christmas when I was six, but I do remember walking around the city square in Mexico, Mo with Momma and Daddy. We visited Santa and Dad told me that he believed that this Santa was the real McCoy! Not just a helper. I still remember the thrill that ran through me that night. We admired the storefront windows as well as the lights and decorations along the street. Then we went home and drank eggnog with nutmeg sprinkled on top.

Before going to bed, we all piled on the couch and sang Christmas carols. Our parakeet, Butch, bobbed his head, kissed his image in his mirror, and chirped “ack-ack-ack” with cheerful abandon.

This memory is one of thousands held in the treasure chest of my soul. It is a gift that came from a portion of my mother and father. They gave me their love, time and creativity. They also lavished me with toys, but I don’t remember anything about those. I remember our time together.

Toys and “stuff” break or get lost. What my parents gave me never breaks, gets lost, or grows old. In fact, my memories grow sweeter with time. And they remain inside me where I can play with them anytime I please.

This Christmas, remember the best gift you can give is your time. Make sweet memories for those you love. Spend time with friends and laugh a lot!

And when you do spend money on a gift, don’t forget those who are in need like the single moms and dads, those who have lost their jobs or the children who live in third world countries and only have muddy water to drink.

This week give the gift that is priceless—yourself

THE MESSAGE OF CHRISTMAS

2010-12-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

“Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.” ~ Dale Evans

Christmas day is near! For me this is a joyful journey to the 25th and a springboard for the next eleven months. It is a season of renewal and a reminder of how I am to live my life throughout the year.

Every year in Northwest Arkansas Walmart holds a stockholders’ meeting. Stockholders from all over the world come to our area to attend lavish pep assemblies, visit the corporate offices, and shop the supercenters, which are decked out with huge and colorful displays in the parking lots where vendors hand out free food and small keepsakes. Celebrities are flown in to entertain them each night. When the gala is over, the stockholders are again reminded of why they have invested in the company and their loyalty is reinvigorated.

To me, this season accomplishes the same thing. Many have a negative view of this holiday saying it is politically incorrect, that it excludes all who are not “Christian.”

That is incorrect.

Actually, if we look at the origins of Christmas we will find that the early Christians didn’t celebrate it. In fact, this holiday wasn’t instituted until 2 centuries after Christ left this earth. Another thing we will find is that Jesus was born during the fall of the year, not in winter.

There are more eye-opening things about the origins of Christmas that I won’t go into here, but it is worth taking the time to study. Why? Because it proves the origin of Christmas isn’t important, it is the message that is important! Over the next few weeks, I’d like to explore the messages of Christmas and dismantle the wrong messages.

Today I want to encourage everyone, no matter who you are or what you believe, to join in this celebration of love, generosity, hospitality, hope, and family.

If Jesus Christ came to Northwest Arkansas to celebrate Christmas with us, I don’t think he’d expect a birthday party complete with cake. Nor would he bring celebrities. From my years of learning of and from Him, I think he would prefer to sit with us and encourage us. He’d look us in the eyes and see our souls. Peace would fill us and our ears would open. Then he’d say, “Feed the hungry, give to the poor, clothe the naked, visit the prisoners, help the children, open your home, love your neighbors, and love God.”

His words would penetrate our hearts and we’d feel the stress, the unrealistic expectations, and loneliness fall away. Our minds would clear and we’d recognize what really matters—people.

The colorful side of Christmas, the music, parties, food, sappy movies (I love them), sparkly lights and shiny decorations, are the fun, celebratory part of the season. It’s at this assembly of celebration where we are reminded of the message of Christmas. But it isn’t to stop on the 25^th. It is to be carried out through the year.

Feed the hungry, give to the poor, clothe the naked, visit the prisoners, help the children, open your home, love your neighbors, and love God.

That is something we all can do, no matter who we are or what we believe.

TIES WITH TRADITION

2010-12-06T04:49:00.000-08:00

And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word! Tradition! ~ Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof.

One of my favorite movies is Fiddler on the Roof. Tevye, the Jewish father of four daughters, suffers the inconvenience of poverty, the high drama of an all female household, and the changing times. But he tries to hold fast to the one thing that keeps his family glued together—tradition.

Tradition is passed from one generation to another through example and sharing stories. It is the golden thread woven in and through us binding us to our ancestors. We share their beliefs, social customs, and habits. That’s not to say that we never deviate or change from the beliefs of our elders, but when life gets shaky, deep within us there is a place where we find our “footing” in tradition.

I’m a southern gal who comes from a long line of women who believe food is the ultimate cure for anything. Feeding people is our tradition. Are you sick? Let me feed you. Sad? I’ll make it better with food. Happy? Let’s eat!

I remember my grandmother, a widow living alone, cooking a huge pot of soup. When it was ready, she would divide it into containers and pass it out to her neighbors. In the spirit and from the example of my grandmother and my mom, there is always room for one more at my table.

When our children were small, Neal and I started a new tradition during the holidays. To keep them mindful that Christmas was the season for giving more than receiving, we had them choose a child’s name off an angel tree and take them shopping for that child. One year we shopped for an entire family and brought them food as well as gifts. I didn’t realize this tradition would mold my children’s characters, but it has. They are all givers, and some are actively involved in social justice and feeding the poor.

The funny thing is that I didn’t consciously think, I’m going to teach my kids to care about the poor, the hungry, the outcasts, and the lonely. Rather, the tradition of giving and caring for others came from my grandmother and my mother. And now I see the compassion of my ancestors in my sons and daughters.

Traditions come in many forms in different families. Music, a craft, religious practices, scholarly pursuits, even the way we celebrate is all handed to us by tradition. Unfortunately, all traditions may not be good ones. The good news is that we can break with tradition, and begin anew.

It is the season when our traditions are openly shared. Take the time to participate in the traditions of others, invite them to join in yours. It is good to understand and appreciate those who are different from us.

If there is a cycle of unhealthy traditions in your life, break away and begin new ones.

Tradition—the foundation all generations can stand on. We all need them. Remember what Tevye warned, “Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as . . . as a fiddler on the roof!

A WORD TO BE WISE

2010-11-29T18:08:00.000-08:00

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are” ~ C.S. Lewis

Wisdom comes to us in many ways. Confucius says, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the most bitter.”

I think most learn wisdom by experience, and that experience is usually accomplished the hard way. I wish that didn’t have to be the case. How wonderful it would be for us to do as Mr. Lewis says and live in a circle of wisdom. To surround ourselves with people who love us and have no other motive in mind than to see us successful, fulfilled, and happy.

There are such people you know.

Our ears should be trained on people who have learned by experience and by reflection. And when they come to us in the spirit of concern and love, we should listen to them.

Unfortunately, when wisdom is given it often contradicts our desires, it interferes with our plans, it threatens to remove the blinders we have on and forces us to look at all aspects.

Once, when I was laying tile in our home, I was advised to measure the room to determine if it was square. If not, I needed to make adjustments. But I didn’t want to take the time. I just wanted to get the job done. I convinced myself that if I were careful to make sure that every tile corner met and used the spacers everything would turn out fine. A certain smugness over my decision to do it my way settled in as I sat on the floor and looked over the grout lines. They appeared straight—that is until I got to the far wall. My tile met the wall in the west corner, but was eight inches away from the wall on the east corner. When I stood and looked over the floor the grout lines were wavy. It made me sick! And even worse, I had to look at that floor every day. I covered it with rugs, but still, the poor tile job was there and I knew it.

There are many advisers in our lives and some are not worth listening to, especially if they do not have our best in mind. But for those who do, for those who have nothing to gain if you listen to them or not—listen to them. Reflect on what they say. Don’t let your own will dictate foolish decisions and actions on your part.

A ship’s captain who is steering his vessel in a storm cannot have the same sense of direction as one who watches above the storm. In the tempest of our lives, we do not have the same understanding and perception as those standing on the outside looking in.

I like what the first century Roman author, Publilius Syrus, said, “Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.”

This week, be wise and listen to those who love you. Put down your will and take the blinders off. Honestly reflect on what they say. Then make your decision.

MY CULINARY EPIPHANY

2010-11-23T04:30:00.000-08:00

My mom, Freddie Diehl

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”~ W. T. Purkiser

In the spirit of the Thanksgiving season, I’m posting my story that appeared a few years ago in Chicken Soup for the Soul’s Recipes for Busy Moms. Have a great celebration everyone!

MY CULINARY EPIPHANY

There are many important “firsts” in live—first step, first word, first kiss and first turkey—the Thanksgiving kind.

As a child I remembered waking up Thanksgiving morning to the aroma of roasting turkey. I bounded down the hall to the beat of the Macy’s Day Parade on the television. Mom was always in the kitchen and Dad was in the recliner. I’d pile on him and watch the parade till all the relatives arrived and lunch was served.

My husband, Neal, and I continued the tradition of going to Mom’s for Thanksgiving. We brought the green bean casserole and the kids. Mom did everything else. But the holiday cooking mantle was passed on to me when Neal’s job transferred us to another city.

This new responsibility didn’t concern me. Mom didn’t seem to mind cooking such an extensive meal, why should I? Her face always had a rosy glow when she cooked. From enthusiasm I supposed. Besides, she wrote clear, step-by-step instructions for me to follow. Hey, this was going to be a cinch!

Thanksgiving week finally arrived and I pulled out my instructions. First I had to find the perfect turkey—one that would feed our family of seven, plus provide ample leftovers for all the fantastic, delicious, dishes I could dream up. So, I purchased a twenty-eight pounder.

Next on the “to do” list—thaw him. Naively, I thought that would only take a few hours on the counter, till my food-safety husband nixed my plan, exclaiming, “It will take a week to thaw a bird that big in the refrigerator.”

I panicked! Thanksgiving was in two days. I needed a quick defrost method. Then Neal remembered how his granny put her turkey in a bathtub full of cold water. Quick as a wink our bathtub was full and Mr. T as we fondly dubbed him, contentedly floated around.

Later that afternoon we heard strange noises coming from the bathroom.

Thud, splash, thud.

Neal and I raced to the bathroom. As soon as our feet hit the hall carpet it squished with water. On the flooded bathroom floor a diaper floated by. Alarmed, I shoved back the shower curtain to find out two-year-old son, William, laying on top of the frozen turkey pushing himself from one end of the tub to the other like a bucking bird rodeo. I grabbed him off the main course. All cheeks were pink and shiny. I handed him to Neal and went to work in the kitchen.

The rest of the day and into the night I chopped, diced, sliced, mixed, rolled, sautéed, simmered, boiled, and baked. It didn’t take me long to realize that my mom’s rosy glow wasn’t excitement. It was heat exhaustion!

The alarm sounded unusually loud at 5 A.M. Thanksgiving morning. I crawled out of bed and felt my way down the hall to the bathroom. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I grabbed Mr. T from the tub and hoisted him to my hip. Glacier water spilled down my nylon gown. It clung to me like a second skin. Every nerve in my body shrieked red alert! I won’t repeat the words that silently formed on my lips.

In the kitchen I peeled off the wrappers and stared, shocked at the sight of a naked turkey. The only ones I’d ever had the pleasure to know wore a nice, crispy, brown skin. This cold, clammy thing was pale and pimply.

Everything in me revolted.

Glancing at the recipe, it called for the giblets to be removed from the cavity.

Only one problem. I couldn’t get the stupid legs apart! Some kind of bar held them together. What was the purpose of this thing? Some kind of chastity belt for birds?

I tugged, yanked and jerked for fifteen minutes. Finally the dark greasy cavern yawned open—and I was supposed to put my hands in that?

My mother’s instructions said to stuff celery and onion in the carcass, so I obediently acquiesced. After thoroughly stuffing him I shoved that bad boy in the oven, slammed the door shut and leaned against the wall.

This wasn’t the way I remembered Thanksgiving.
Later that morning, the savory aroma of roasting turkey and lively music from the marching bands filled the house. The kids woke up, bounded down the hall and piled on Neal to watdch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I worked feverishly in the kitchen wearing that blasted rosy glow.

Finally, dinner was served.

Neal said grace and in less than thirty minutes we consumed over a hundred dollars worth of food that took over two days to prepare. After dinner Neal reclined in his chair and the kids went outside to play.

And me?

I was left to clean up a kitchen that looked like Bourbon Street the morning after Mardi Gras.

So this is what my mother did every year????

My hands were chapped. My fingers were cut and burned. Every muscle in my body begged for a glass of wine and a hot bubble bath.

My mother deserved sainthood!

Glancing out the window I watched the children jump into a pile of leaves, just like I did when I was a child. Neal snored in his chair, just like Dad. And I began the arduous task of cleaning, just like Mom.

Indulging in a little self-pity, I grumbled under my breath. Nobody in my family had a clue how hard it was cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

Come to think of it, neither had I till that day.

Immediately I got off my self-righteous perch and practiced the true meaning of Thanksgiving.
I called my mother.

When she answered I said, “Mom? Thank you for your hard work all those years of cooking our holiday meals. We are not worthy of you!”

I hope you enjoyed my true story! This year, don’t forget to thank those who made it special for you. If you are the one wearing the “rosy glow” let me say in advance, THANK YOU for your dedication to those for whom you are creating this special memory!

ACHIEVEMENT THROUGH HOPE

2010-11-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” ~ Unknown Author

I’m reading a book about the early immigrants who came to the shores of the USA seeking a better life, a life free of the religious and social constraints that made them less than others. These men, women, and children worked hard. They came here poor and remained poor a long time after arriving. Some farmed and fought the elements to bring in the crops. Others indentured themselves, cooking and cleaning for those who had found their fortunes.

Not all came here on their own volition. Millions of men, women, and children were brought here against their will and suffered inhumane treatment, being separated from their families, watching their children auctioned off, backbreaking work and death.

I can see how easily it could have been for these heroes of history to have given up. How they could have lost hope. Some did, but most kept working. Today we are enjoying the fruits from their labor.

Today, we work and fight the elements. However, our battles are very different from those of our forefathers and foremothers, but they are battles all the same. We may be tired and discouraged, but we must continue and not give up.

The meaning of hope isn’t “wishful thinking.” It means “confident expectation.” I’m learning-on a daily basis-that I cannot trust circumstances. For instance, I have certain things that weigh heavy on my heart. One day I may feel all is lost. The next I may get good news and think, “finally, a step forward!” I walk on air the rest of the day. The next morning I get slammed with bad news. Instead of a step forward, now I’ve taken six steps backwards.

In situations like this, I feel lost. But I don’t have the full picture. It is easy to lose perspective, to lose confidence, to lose hope. However, the worst thing I could do is quit. And believe me, I’ve threatened to many times.

But I can’t.

You can’t either. Whatever is going on in your life right now, keep on keeping on. Don’t give up hope. You will achieve if you do not give up.

SEEDS OF GRATITUDE

2010-11-08T04:49:00.000-08:00

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

How I love this time of year! It is a time when we think, “harvest,” but it is also a time to plant. However, unlike planting in the spring, fall planting is delayed gratification. My Tiger Lily bulbs, Daffodils, and Tulips are all snuggled in their earthen beds for the winter. In the spring they will wake up and grow into graceful shapes with brilliant colors, delighting me as well as all who visit Selah. It is worth the wait.

Planting seeds of gratitude in our hearts accomplishes the same thing. Our lives may be filled with problems, heartaches, and disappointments. We may have irritating people in our faces whose goal in life, it seems, is to make us miserable. When this is the case, it is so easy to focus on the negative. After all, this is our reality.

But . . . does it have to be?

No.

We need to plant the bulbs of gratitude in the garden of our hearts. We may not see an immediate change. But gratitude will work its magic in us while our souls are in winter. Then, one day, gratitude will break through in our soul and we realize that we are more positive, our vision is clear, and we have hope even in the darkest tempest.

While searching for quotes this one by H. U. Westermayer hit me hard: “The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. We can learn from these brave people that while we may feel we have nothing to be thankful for, we really do!

Reasons to be grateful are all around us, but we overlook them because they are so small or taken for granted. Think about something you would hate to be without and then be thankful that you have it. I’m thankful for warm, drinking-quality water to bathe in and the hours I’ve spent the last few days laughing with my family and friends.

I plant the seeds of gratitude by reviewing my day, making a list of the things I’m grateful for, and writing them down. There is something about writing (or typing) that buries them deep in our souls.

This week, in the month set aside for thanksgiving, start planting seeds and bulbs of gratitude in your heart. Add to your list every night.

Spring will come, gratitude will bloom, making our lives beautiful.

THE FOLLY OF FEAR

2010-11-01T05:15:00.000-07:00

Fear is an acronym in the English language for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Last weekend many celebrated a holiday that has its roots in fear. A lot of us enjoy a good fright, whether it comes from movies or a scary tale. We like to jump out and startle people and have a good laugh afterwards. My normally quiet husband, Neal, enjoys sneaking up behind unsuspecting victims and making an ear-splitting chicken cackle noise, scaring them witless. This behavior, I suppose, developed from the many years he’s worked for Tyson Foods.

True fear is an emotion aroused by impending danger or pain. It is a protective behavior that keeps us alive. It brings to mind the deer on our property. I like to watch them from my deck. As they graze the constantly look up and survey their surroundings. They twitch their ears and listen. After a while they graze a little longer. If I snap my fingers, they look up immediately, wait, listen, and then go back to eating. However, if I should walk toward them, they flag their little white tails and leap into the woods.

Fear can also be debilitating when it “crosses” the barrier of truth and enters our imaginations. Irrational beliefs and dread for what could happen, what might happen, eat at our souls with negative attitudes resulting in self-destructive actions. While searching for quotes, I found this: “Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop.” How true. I can’t tell you how many times I sat in the dark weeping when my teenagers broke curfew. I had them bleeding to death in a ditch until I saw those blessed headlights in the driveway. However, after I hugged them, I wanted to kill them!

Many things—poor self-image, hurtful experiences from childhood, emotional distress, past failures, even the painful experiences of others—feed the fear that haunts our minds. We believe the lie and react in bizarre ways. I once heard someone ask a person who was deathly afraid of spiders, “What’s worse, the fear of spiders or the broken leg you get from trying to get away from it?

Living life in fear is a miserable way to live. Most of us can overcome it by identifying the fear, its origin, and telling ourselves the truth. For instance, the fear of spiders:

· Some spiders are poisonous – true.

· My foot is bigger than the spider - true.

· I can use a fly swatter on the spider – true.

· The spider will overpower my foot, my fly swatter, and fill me full of venom before swallowing me whole – false.

Fear is destructive. It robs us of our dreams and cripples our future. Mary Manin Morrissey rightly said, “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”

If you are living in the dark shadow of fear, I encourage you to master and retrain your mind. If you cannot do it alone, get help. There is absolutely NO SHAME in getting professional help.

Overcoming fear is gradual process in faith. I depend on my faith everyday in regards to the fear that often sneaks up on me—the well being of my children. I have to let go of what I cannot control and turn to the One who loves them more than I do. I never dreamed that much love was possible, but it is.

Life is good, live it to the fullest, free from dread and worry—free from fear.

STRENGTH FROM STRUGGLES

2010-10-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

Last spring I must have dropped a cucumber seed in the graveled drive on my way to plant our garden, because a tiny plant made its appearance among the rocks around the same time as my cucumbers sprouted in their rows of rich dirt.

All summer long I passed the little plant thinking it would die. We didn’t water it. Actually, we rode our 4- wheelers over it to and from the garden. Neal even drove his tractor over it several times! We totally ignored it and yet it survived. It even survived the August drought for heaven’s sake!

My pampered cucumber vines in the garden did awful. Spoiled little things. Most were bitter and didn’t produce much fruit at all. We may have gotten a dozen pints of pickles from them. Hardly worth the trouble.

The little plant in the road didn’t do much either, that is until last week. I passed it and to my surprise it offered a respectable sized cucumber. I picked it and took it to the house. I didn’t have a lot of hope for its taste, but I sliced it up and took a bite. To my amazement, it had a crisp texture and sweet flavor. This brave plant actually has another miniscule cuke in the making. Take a close look at the photo above.

This cucumber plant has been Neal’s and my discussion during our evenings on the porch. We looked back over our lives and remembered the “fruit” that came from our struggles. At the time it didn’t seem that anything good could come from our hardships and I can’t say that either of us was particularly gracious in some of our struggles. But I can say that we didn’t give up and now we are stronger and wiser.

I read this once, “Nothing that comes your way can harm you, only your response to it.” For the majority of things in our lives, I believe this is very true.

Struggle requires something from us that is beyond us. It requires faith, determination, vision, and action. If we roll on our backs—like my grandpuppy, Kricket, does when troubles come— we will grow weak in our soul and our lives will show it. Just like my pampered cucumbers, we may put on a lot of showy leaves, but have no fruit. Or what little fruit we do have may be bitter.

Don’t resent the struggles you are having now. Respond to them. Change the way you think about them and make them work for you. Exercise the “soul muscle” of faith, determination, vision, and action.

In doing this, you will be strong.

RULES OF CHANGE

2010-10-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

“When the music changes, so does the dance.” ~ African Proverb

I just returned today from Eureka Springs where I attended the Ozark Creative Writer’s Conference. On my way there the trees were green, the weather a little too warm. However, coming home they were turning scarlet, orange, and yellow, the air crisp. My heart sang out, “Change is coming!”

How I love the seasons. Especially fall. It is the time when nature dons colorful clothes and celebrates the fruits of spring and summer. Each season is distinct and has a unique purpose.

In much the same way, life is the same. Think about this, every living thing grows and changes. We all go through changes or “seasons” and each serve a purpose. We grow into adults. We graduate school, get married, start careers, get jobs, maybe have a few children. Our children grow into adults and make us grandparents.

We change our careers, our interests, and the direction of our lives. Our bodies change, our ways of thinking grows and sometimes changes. We watch loved ones die and one day we will too.

This is the natural flow of life. Where we go wrong is when we resist change. No one can enjoy fall if they are filled with longing for the past spring. As the proverb says, dance to the music that is playing. Live your life to the fullest. Embrace the change and make it work for you.

Dance to the music of fall!

A TIME TO HARVEST

2010-10-11T14:35:00.002-07:00

“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of the harvest.” ~ The Talmud

I started writing around the age of 48. In my naïveté I didn’t think my late start mattered. That is until my first writing convention. The speakers were all ages, but the one thing they had in common was that they were born with a silver pen in their hand. Every one of them said they started writing as children. The message I heard was “all you middle-aged women, just lay down your pen and go home.”

It seemed that editors and agents only wanted experienced writers and didn’t have time to fool with novices. One speaker actually said if we wanted to write, then write letters! Needless to say, I left with my writing spark snuffed. A tiny stream of smoke curled up from my extinguished flame of creativity.

I kept writing, but the “what’s the use” cloud hovered over me like the one over the Peanut’s character, Pigpen. However, that changed when I attended a writing workshop. The speaker asked us to write about an influential person in our lives. I wrote about my mom. She married when she was in 8^th grade. Then at the age of 45 she earned her GED and achieved her LPN license at 48. She didn’t let the circumstances in her life make her a victim.

After writing about her, it hit me, I was turning myself into a victim! No one is guaranteed a tomorrow. So what was I doing with my “todays?”

I came to realize that all my life I had been gathering experiences, stories, life-lessons. Then at 48, it was time for me to “harvest” and share my gleanings.

Do you feel it is too late for you? Maybe you want to go back to school. Do it! You want to start a second career or a new one? Do it! You want to follow your dream? Do it! Don’t let your age or how long it may take stop you. My mother went back to school, and it took a little over 3 years. She could have said, “Well, I don’t know, I won’t graduate until I’m 48.” But think about it, she turned 48 anyway—with a degree.

I don’t care if you are 70+. Go back to school, write that novel, start that career, create, love, reach out. It is never too late. Share your life’s harvest with us. By doing this, you are planting seeds for future generations!

A TIME TO HARVEST

2010-10-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

“For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned it is the season of the harvest.” ~ The Talmud

After writing about her, it hit me, I was turning myself into a victim! No one is guaranteed a tomorrow. So what was I doing with my “todays?”

I came to realize that all my life I had been gathering experiences, stories, life-lessons. Then at 48, it was time for me to “harvest” and share my gleanings.

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

2010-10-02T05:32:00.000-07:00

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Eureka!

That was the siren's call luring men and women to the California gold fields from the years 1848-1853. However, the most common phrase spoken was either, “Have you saw the elephant?” (sic) or “I have seen the elephant.”

The elephant was symbolic of the high cost of their endeavor in selling everything they had for the funds to make the trip and also of leaving their families. It represented every thing that could go wrong like horrible weather, broken wagons, Indian raids, small children wandering off in the tall grasses never to be found again, sickness, starvation, and death. But even with the high cost and everything that could go wrong, the result was still considered the most amazing experience of a lifetime.

So, if the elephant represents the high cost of an endeavor, and the innumerable possibilities of what could go wrong, but still is an adventure without equal, then EVERY PARENT has seen the elephant! There are days that darned animal tromps all over the room. Sometimes when I go to bed it sits on my chest making it hard to breathe.

Ever been there?

One morning, before sunrise, I woke up with a problem on my mind that concerned one of my children. Realizing how useless it was to try to sleep, I went outside to pray. On my front porch I stared into the darkness.

Funny how loud problems can scream at you from all directions in inky blackness. There isn’t a place to focus. But then on the horizon I saw a golden razor edge split the earth from the sky. I made that my focal point as gold and pink pushed the darkness away. The cacophony of worry gave way to the song of birds. I watched as the sun rose and burned away what was left of the night. With the dawn came clarity to my problems and my hope renewed. With God nothing is impossible.

Psalm 112:4 says, “Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man (and woman)”

That light can be hope, and it can also be revelation. But it only comes when our focus is on God – not the elephant.

Parenting is costly, and many things can and do go wrong. But it is also an amazing experience.

We all see the elephant at one time or another, because the pachyderm beast isn't limited to parenting. It can any relationship. We need people in our lives, but with people there will be complications from time to time. Just remember, our focus is best when on God and loving His way.

How does He love?

That is next weeks post!

WHAT REALLY MATTERS

2010-09-20T06:01:00.000-07:00

“I have found a paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~ Mother Theresa

September 11, 2010, I listened to rebroadcasts of the terrorist attack on our nation. I was driving to meet my friend Jan who was traveling with me to Oklahoma City. My throat constricted and tears slid down my cheeks. It felt to me like the attack had just happened.

When Jan got in the car, she too had been listening to the same radio station. We talked about that day and she made an interesting point. It intrigued her how important it was to those who knew death was immanent that their family knew how much they loved them. It wasn’t important to know that they were loved.

I thought about what she said. After returning home I googled the last words of the victims. I wept as I read transcripts of phone calls and interviews of those who lost loved ones in this heinous crime. No one called to say, I’ll never forgive you, you hurt my feelings, I hate you. Rather they said, I’m okay, I love you, never forget that.

This just goes to show us what really matters, to give love rather than to expect it. It also presents the true meaning of love. It is a verb more than a noun. It is an action more than an emotion. It is doing for others when there is nothing in it for us. It is often inconvenient and unappreciated.

True love is sacrifice. Loving others is what really matters.

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

2010-09-15T13:43:00.002-07:00

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~ Aristotle

Labor Day, fifteen years ago, our house caught fire. It happened around 8 in the evening. Rob, Charles, and I were talking in the living room — this is significant, because my teenaged sons were actually communicating with me, even using full sentences! I was in Heaven. Our subject? Armageddon. Isn’t that funny? While we talked about the end of the world, Armageddon was happening in our house and we didn’t have any idea, until Olivia noticed flashing lights in the office. She thought William was playing on the computer and peeked in to find the room on fire.

Fortunately, Rob thought of grabbing the cordless phone as we ran out of the house. We called 911 and watched an orange ball of fire consume our home. Neighbors came out with their phones asking who we wanted them to call. I couldn’t think, my mind had become a traffic jam of emotions, thoughts, and worry. One neighbor asked where we were insured. I told them Allstate and our insurance rep was Dale Johnson. She made the call.

Just minutes after the fire department arrived, Dale drove up. He comforted me and told me not to worry, he would help us through this disaster. Losing stuff really didn’t bother me, it was the irreplaceable things that hurt my heart. I watched the hungry flames consume the letters my father had written my grandmother while he served in the Korean War, all of my children’s baby books that contained letters I had written them while I carried them. I had planned on giving those letters to them when they were expecting their first child. Photos, family memorabilia, all lost. But I didn’t experience the same despair over those things as my son Charles felt about his guitar. He had saved for months to buy his first guitar, a blue Fender Stratocaster. We literally had to hold him back from running into the burning house in an effort to save it. He finally collapsed on the street curb and cried.

After the flames were put out, Dale walked with the fire chief through the house. Several minutes later he walked out with a blackened guitar case and handed it to Charles. With tender trepidation, Charles opened the case and found his guitar in perfect condition. The combination of joy and relief still thrills my heart today.

Dale went the extra mile by walking through the muddy ash to find that guitar, and then checking to make sure it was in good condition before handing it to Charles. I will always appreciate this man’s excellence.

To go the extra mile is to make more of an effort than is expected of you. By doing this you not only make a positive difference in the lives of others, the rewards of such excellence follow.

This weekend Neal and I went out to lunch at the Texas Land and Cattle Steakhouse in Rogers. We were seated and the hostess asked us for our drink orders and brought them to us. Then nothing. After a while the manager asked us if we were going to be eating anything and Neal casually answered, “Yes, when we get a menu.” The manager looked surprised and hurried to bring us a menu. When he handed them to us he said, “Your lunches will be on the house today for our oversight.”

Wow! He told us that before we ordered! Neal and I were surprised because we had enjoyed talking, not thinking a thing about the delay. But the manager went that extra mile. We ordered a lunch portion (we resisted ordering the most expensive thing on the menu) of steak medallions and I must say our lunches were excellent! Plus, because of that manager’s attentiveness, we will be back and we do recommend that restaurant.

I’ve heard it said, “Average is the best of the worst and the worst of the best.” We don’t want to be the best of the worst, do we? This week, go the extra mile. Do more than is expected of you. Let us all begin practicing excellence as a habit.

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

2010-09-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” ~ Aristotle

To go the extra mile is to make more of an effort than is expected of you. By doing this you not only make a positive difference in the lives of others, the rewards of such excellence follow.

HAVING THE CORNER ON GENEROSITY

2010-09-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” ~ Winston Churchill

A couple of weeks ago my pastor, Steve Dixon, spoke on generosity and referenced the ancient practice of wealthy landowners to leave the corners of their wheat fields unharvested for the poor. In fact, the Holiness Code of the Torah also instructs farmers to leave some grapes ungathered in their vineyards and to only beat the olive trees once and leave olives for the poor.

At the end of Steve’s message he made a statement that impacted my very soul. He said, “It isn’t important how big your field is, what really matters are how big are your corners?”

We may look at our income, our small homes, our old cars, and think that we really have nothing to offer. But all fields have corners. In these hard economic times we may feel we cannot squeeze out another dime for charity.

Good news! Generosity isn’t limited to money! I love this quote from Buddha: “Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

There are always opportunities around us to be generous. Every time we freely and cheerfully give our time, attention, and money, it is an expression of love and gratitude for what we have. It not only helps those in need, but it also brings health to our souls. And the smallest things to us may be a miracle to others.

This week, live your life aware of those around you. Do you need to buy someone lunch and listen to them? Do you need to speak kindly to a child or perhaps spend some special time with him or her? If the corner of your field only amounts to $20.00, don’t feel it cannot make a difference because it can. Those who are homeless have said that what they need the most are socks, underwear, and toiletry items.

Be the candle that lights a thousand others.

MIXED SIGNALS

2010-08-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

~ Anthony Robbins

Okay, I’m still on a communication kick. After training the wonderful folks at the Tyson Lab in Wilkesboro, NC, about effective communication, my conviction is renewed about the importance of hearing what others say to us. And I don’t mean just physical hearing, but really getting what they are speaking about and not assuming. When we assume we know what others are saying to us, communication can really break down.

Take Barney for instance. Barney is our radar detector.

Now before I go any further let me explain why we have one of those. Neal rarely even reaches the speed limit when he drives, but if the cogs and wheels start turning in his mind and he is mentally working out a problem or idea, that sometimes translates as pressure through the foot on the pedal. Neal decided that if he had something sound an alarm, he’d back off and turn off the cogs and wheels.

Back to Barney.

All the way to and from NC he’d sound off. We’d watch for a police care, but after a mile or so down the road, nothing. Zip. Nada. However, when we passed the state troopers in plain sight in the median, (which wasn’t a problem for us since Neal was going ten miles under the speed limit trying to get better gas mileage) not a peep was heard from Barney.

We called and found that Barney was only sounding off when he got signals from cell towers. He obviously didn’t have the state troopers band wave. So, while we thought he was alerting us about police with radars every ten miles or so, he was actually telling us there were cell towers.

I see this message mix-up often while trying to help improve communication. The reason for the misinterpretation is because we don’t just hear words, but we hear the tone of voice and we see the facial expression. This often causes a misunderstanding. I have a quick fix for this. Neal and I have been practicing it for many years and I can attests that this works.

This is what you do—when someone says something that rubs you the wrong way and makes you want to retort rather than respond, say,

“This is what I’m hearing you say, __________________. Is that what you are saying?”

Usually, the other person will say, “No, not at all.” Then they will go on to clarify.

This week, give it a try. It might straighten out the mixed signals and save some hurt feelings.

Take it from Barney. Because of his tendency to send the wrong signal, he was repacked in his box and returned to Wal – Mart!

EMBRACING OUR DIFFERENCES

2010-08-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

“Communication works for those who work at it.” ~ John Powell

There are many communication blocks between people causing us to misunderstanding others. We might misinterpret their intentions, have misconceptions of their culture, or not understand their way of expressing themselves. However the biggest problem is that we expect them to be like us, and if they aren’t, they should change.

When Neal and I first married we noticed right away how different we were. He was neat, structured, orderly, a loner, and practical. I was disorganized, highly social, messy, and a dreamer.

While cooking supper I used every pan in the kitchen and threw them in the sink to soak until I cleaned the kitchen the next morning. That drove Neal crazy. He kept dropping hints that if I’d wash the dishes along while I cooked that by the time supper was ready the kitchen would be clean.

Of course, his suggestions fell on deaf ears. Cleaning was boring. I wanted to get supper over with so we could talk. The dishes could wait until the next morning after he went to work.

At social gatherings I floated around the room hugging friends, talking and laughing with everyone. On the other hand, Neal found one person who was as anti-social as he. They would hide in a corner and speak to no one else. That infuriated me. Why couldn’t he be nice and talk to everyone like I did?

Now, after 30+ years together, we have accepted that we are wired differently and must give each other grace. I’ve learned to be neat and orderly for Neal’s sake, and he’s learned to be social for mine. This opens up communication for both of us but there has been another benefit—am now organized, which has improved and simplified my life. He is at ease with people, easily conversing with them—and he actually enjoys it, which has enhanced and enriched his life.

The lesson here is to not expect people to align with us, but to embrace them. Give them grace and try to communicate with them in a way they will understand. Tear down the barriers that we may have erected and build a bridge.

We are all different and those differences are easy to pick out. Naturally we feel if they would just be more like us then communication would be easy. But that usually doesn’t happen. So why not try to think like others and speak their language?

It takes work. But once the bridge is built the relationship flourishes. And who knows? You may be a better person for it.

I know I am!

CAPTURING MOMENTS

2010-08-10T11:54:00.000-07:00

“Life gives us brief moments with another . . . but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a lifetime” ~ Unknown

My son and daughter-in-love, Rob and Bea, decided to take my grandson, Robby, to the Tulsa Zoo. He’d never been to a zoo before and this would be his first time to see a real monkey, a real giraffe, and a real elephant. I got to keep their other son, baby Judah, for the day seeing how he couldn’t care less about lions and tigers and bears. The plan was for me to pick Judah up at 7 a.m. and return around 4, their estimated time of arrival. Notice that I emphasized “estimated.”

At 2 p.m. Bea called and said they were on their way home. I could hardly wait to hear about Robby’s reaction to all the animals he’d seen and eagerly waited for 4 o’clock to arrive.

But, 4 came and went. Bea called once again and said they had a flat. After a long wait to replace the tire, they got back on the road only to take the wrong turn, which, of course they didn’t realize until things just didn’t seem right. By then they had traveled a long way.

At 6:30 they returned. Rob and Bea looked so frazzled. I hated that for them after having such a wonderful morning with their first-born — a day when it was once again just the three of them. I hugged my son, assured him that later they would laugh about this (believe me, I know this by experience) and for them to try and not let the afternoon’s trials to steal the “moments” they shared at the zoo.

Moments. More and more I hear the phrase “having a moment” in some way or another, usually in a humor piece on television. However, in real life I’ve come to realize that moments are the “dots” in our lives. They are what we remember most. When I try to recall the past, I remember a conversation, a song, a feeling, a taste. I think about how I felt, colors, sounds. The whole scenario doesn’t come to mind, but I can “connect the dots.”

Rob and Bea will remember the excitement in Robby’s voice, the wonder in his expression, the relentless heat not being able to dampen his determination to see everything. They won’t remember everything they saw or said, but they will remember moments.

Another thing. I give myself the “gift of moments.” Being a nature lover, I go outside and capture a moment in the woods. Last night my 2-yr-old granddaughter and I blew bubbles on the front porch. I will always remember teaching her how to pucker her lips just so, how to hold the wand away from her lips and to blow gently. The expression on her face while she concentrated, trying to remember all those steps was priceless.

As I blew bubbles and watched the carnival glass-colored orbs float around like fairies, I became a child again. The little girl in me connected with my little granddaughter. I will always remember that moment on the porch. I hope she will too. But just in case, I will make sure there are more “moments” with her.

This week I encourage you to give yourself and others the gift of moments.

This week, “CAPTURE THE MOMENT”